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[LAC-1-1-1]
Pat Page.
Poetry.
[LAC-1-1-2]
Index.
The Hills in the Rain1.
 
A ~
D x
 
Winter
1.
Worry2.
The Change2
 
A ~
D x
 
Opinions
3
The Request3.
Her Heart is Aflame4
The Effects of Life4.
An Ode to Rain5.
The Sun6.
Why?6
Questions7.
Self. –7.
Cure for Mental Tiredness8.
[Ecstacy]sicEcstasy8.
 
A ~
D \
 
The Moth
9.
Regardless of Beauty9.
 
A ~
D \
 
On the Love of a Fool
9.
Blackness10.
To
 
A 
B E.M.C.
 
11.
 
A ~
D x
 
To a Friend
12.
Reflections and /
Impressions
12.
"13.
"14
[column break]
Reflections &and Impressions15-16.
Desire on Seeing the Ocean17.
Written During Exams18.
 
A ~
D |
 
Night. –
18.
Exuberance19.
Individuality20.
On Departure21.
Come21.
Discontent22.
Youth22.
Time23.
 
A ~
D x
 
Christ
24.
The Star. –24
 
A ~
D \
 
Age in Youth
25.
My Song26.
Daen27
The Woods are full of them28.
Failure29.
Ambition30
Loss31
Joke31.
[]sicYouth’s False Departure[]sic32
The Listener33
Heart Keep Still33.
Sacrifice34.
To T –35
[LAC-1-1-3]
Deception. –35.
Grey Hairs35.
 
A ~
D x
 
Melancholia
36.
Nature’s Creatures37.
Just for the Moment38.
38.
Why Feel?39.
Beauty. –39.
Illusions40
[Anthasian]sicAthanasian Creed40.
The Lighting of the Lamps41.
Reality42.
 
A ~
D x
 
 
A ~
B The Child
 
43
Regrets43.
Bitterness. –44.
Constancy44.
Good-byes45.
 
A ~
D x
 
[Astors]sicAsters in a Bowl
46.
A Conversation between E. St. V. M.Millay &and R B..Rupert Brooke after Death47.
Irony48
Injustice49.
Night49.
Unloved50
A Discovery50
The Old Rectory51.
To Lady Lilian53.
The Soldier54.
[column break]
 
A ~
D \
 
Aftermath
54.
The Cry of the Over-Sexed55.
 
A ~
D \
 
Two Homes
57
On Discussing CCanada with Ethe English58
The Sacrament. – 59
The Change59.
 
A ~
D x
 
To Violet
60.
Calgary Faces61.
62.
Why?62
Instability63.
The Only Way63.
A Face64.
Hat Consciousness64.
65
Atmospherical. – 65
 
A ~
D \
 
I Bring Pale Flowers
66.
Your Mind.67.
Telephones. 67.
68.
Temptation69
A Symphony of the Senses.69
Goodbye70
The Idiot72
73
73.
Light &and Shade. –75.
[LAC-1-1-4]
Surroundings. 76.
Crisis77.
[Prolongued]sicProlonged Crisis77.
The Dance78.
79
79.
The Prophet80.
81.
Fear. 81.
Love!82.
83
83.
Spring. 84
85.
My Mind. 85.
It’s the Gypsy in Me86
Compensation. 86
Surrender. 87
Domesticity87.
Reflections. 89
Interlude. 90
91
The Game. 91
92.
A Thought. 93
93.
Need94.
[column break]
A Lesser Universe95.
96
Problem96
The Woman96.
To Ashburn97
Meeting99.
Seaside Symphony99.
[]sic100
 
A ~
B 101
 
 
A ~
B 102
 
 
A ~
B 103
 
 
A ~
B Nonsense
 
 
A ~
B 104
 
 
A ~
B Pain
 
 
A ~
B 104
 
 
A ~
B 105
 
 
A ~
B 105
 
 
A ~
B 106
 
 
A ~
B The Grey &and Yellow Bird.
 
 
A ~
B 107
 
 
A ~
B Fragment
 
 
A ~
B 108
 
 
A ~
B 108
 
 
A ~
B 109
 
 
A ~
B 109
 
 
A ~
B 110
 
 
A ~
B Humidity
 
 
A ~
B 111
 
 
A ~
B The Statue
 
 
A ~
B 111
 
 
A ~
B Joy of Pain
 
 
A ~
B 112
 
 
A ~
B Insomnia
 
 
A ~
B 113
 
 
A ~
B 114
 
 
A ~
B 115
 
[LAC-1-1-5]
 
A ~
B The Small Room
 
 
A ~
B 115.
 
 
A ~
B The Drug.
 
 
A ~
B 117
 
 
A ~
B Two Make a Pair
 
 
A ~
B 118
 
 
A ~
B Depression.
 
 
A ~
B  120
 
 
A ~
B Fairy Story
 
 
A ~
B 121
 
 
A ~
B The Ghost.
 
 
A ~
B 121
 
 
A ~
B Loneliness
 
 
A ~
B 122
 
 
A ~
B Pretense
 
 
A ~
B 123
 
[LAC-1-1-6]
Seventeen.
[LAC-1-1-7]
1
The Hills in the Rain.
Oh I love the
 
A desolateness
B desolation
B desolateness
 
of the hills,
And the lonesome feel of the rushing wind;
I love
 
A this
B the
 
rain, which softly fills
The heart of me
 
A ~
B &and
B ~
 
with a glorious kind
Of happiness, too deep for words;
And I love to feel I’ve left the town behind,
And to know that all the horses
 
A ~
B beasts
B ~
 
&and birds
Are one with me
 
A ~
B there
B ~
 
in spirit and
 
A ~
B in
B ~
 
mind.
That’s why I love the hills in the rain,
They bring only peacefulness, cure mental /
pain.
 
A ~
D 
 
Winter.
And it was winter –
The weather was cold,
The wind, it was biting.
The people looked old,
All grey were their faces
And wrinkled with care;
Their hands were blue-fingered,
And white was their hair.
Oh, winter, I hate it,
[LAC-1-1-8]
2.
With wind &and with snow
And frost on the windows
And 20 below.
Worry.
Her
 
A wearn
A weary
 
mind, engulfed with dread
Was to her intimates, as dead.
Her very soul, her very heart
Were in a cage &and dared not part.
for worry in its worst degree
Had just obsessed her bodily.
The Change
I lived in the town, Depression,
And I lived in the house, Despair,
When I came home in the evening
I knew Sorrow was waiting there.
Joy always went out to parties
 
A With
A ~
 
And took Smiles as a chaperone,
But Frowns would be always with me
With a dull, sad note in her tone.
Discontent would sit by the fireside
And tell all the tales that he knew.
[LAC-1-1-9]
3
Often Moods would come in to see me
And Discontent used to come too.
Delight would go in the morning
And would never come back till night[]sic.
Old Madness used to torment me
And often be followed by Fright.
Till one day Discontent took me with her
And I danced with Youth for awhile
Then Discontent came gently &and taught me
That Life was at least worth a /
smile.
 
A ~
D 
 
Opinions.
And God, they said, is here &and there,
And God is every where.
But God, thought I, between clenched teeth,
Is tearing out my hair.
The Request.
Oh give me youth and love &and fire,
And the joy of the life I’m living.
And meet me under yonder brier
And give me that worth giving.
[LAC-1-1-10]
 
A 6
D 4.
 
Oh give me love, I pray of you,
My heart is hard &and cold,
And show me that the skies are blue
And that I am not old!
Her Heart is Aflame.
She has made her choice
Though she does not say it
Her heart is aflame
Yet her lips are mute
She hides her impatience
But her eyes betray it
Her heart is aflame
Yet her lips are mute.
The Effects of Life.
With tempests in and tempests out
And trouble all about
And fury in the wind,
I feel that I have sinned,
That somehow life is not quite right
And love is not too smooth
That even the sun is a bit too bright
for it hurts your eyes
With the dazzling sight
[LAC-1-1-11]
5
And that death, alone, can soothe.
But then the strength of the hills was mine
for I walked on the hills undaunted,
And even the blood-red banner of love
I laughed at, mocked &and flaunted.
An Ode to Rain.
If it were not for the rain,
that sleet-grey something
with its soothing powers,
that cool refreshing sense of
sombreness,
the world would be a hectic place
in which to live.
The orange sun
 
A w
A ~
 
would produce a mental fever,
whole nations would go mad
with the fieriness
and red-orange glow.
Minds would dry up
with discouragement
and the heat, crowds
and giddiness of life
would be unbearable.
Thank God for rain!
[LAC-1-1-12]
6
The Sun.
The sun-god is a hungry god,
he kills the flowers
with everlasting heat;
he exhausts the nations
and sucks up the moisture
that goes to make life liveable.
Why?
Why do you cry that the world is grey
 
A ?
B ,
 
That love never
 
A shatters
B taps on
 
your window-pane?
Why do you cry that life is old,
That sympathy stifles, fate is bold?
Why do you cry that the world is grey?
for spring, half heaven is here again.
Why do you say that the river is deep,
That God is relentless &and black is the sun?
Why do you say that beauty has left,
That cleverness sickens &and you are bereft?
 
A ~
B Why do you say that the river is deep
 
for a world of flowers has just begun.
[LAC-1-1-13]
7.
Questions.
Is there heaven? we cry, or only Hell,
 
A 
B ~
 
Is there happiness, subtlety, only pain?
We moan, we sigh, we buy &and we sell
And start all over &and try again.
“Are there real ghosts &and what is the sun?
Why is life cruel &and what are our goals?
[Purety]sicPurity, cleverness, passion – or none –
Are we alive or only our souls?
Why do we eat? To keep us alive?
Do we want to live
 
A or
B on
 
only to die?
Life is uncertain; we’re bees in a hive –
Why think &and be clever?
 
A Just
B just
 
suffer – but why?[]sic
Self.
Oh to get away from oneself,
To forget that self even exists,
To live in the realms of others
On geometrical angles &and twists.
To forget that one’s head is a-throbbing
And to think all realities, mists.
[LAC-1-1-14]
8.
But Fate is not as we’d like it,
These dreams of life haven’t come yet,
Oh, to get into oneself –
To get in and then –
 
A 
B ~
 
just
 
A ~
B to
 
forget!
Cure for Mental Tiredness.
If ever you have time to face
The cool tranquilities of space
Recline and
 
A kep
A ~
 
keep your mind at rest
for that, alone, I find is best.
[Ecstacy]sicEcstasy.
A wind blew over the hill,
It chilled the new green grass;
The sun was covered by clouds
for I saw no shadows pass.
It was cold and bleak and grey,
Yet it filled me with delight,
for the [ecstacy]sicecstasy of being alone
Made the earth and me unite.
I sat on the ground and I sang to the sky
I filled my lungs with the cold, clear air.
Why was I happy? I don’t know why
 
A .
B ;
 
[LAC-1-1-15]
9.
But I know that the wind tied knots in my hair.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
B 
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D (accepted & printed by The Observer Dec. 2 34)
 
The Moth
I caught a moth,
A silver moth
That fluttered in my hair;
And when I peeped within my hand
I found
 
A just
B but
 
star-dust there.
Regardless of Beauty.
A man and a moon and a mountain;
A night of stillness and song;
The wind in the flowers and a fountain;
Yet Life seems to struggle along.
 
A ~
D 
 
On the Love of a Fool.
Ah! yes my mind is empty,
Do I pretend aught else?
And true, my eyes are sightless,
And my young soul rebels.
My lips are often wordless,
My ears hear little, too
Yet, somehow my whole being
Pulsates with love for you.
[LAC-1-1-16]
10
They say my hands are useless,
My heart is in its prime,
And that my ways are foolish.
Oh! is it not a crime,
That I, who am so
 
A helper
A ~
 
helpless,
So feeble and so blind,
Should concentrate so much on you
That Youth is left behind?
Blackness.
There is blackness all around me,
Blacker than the deepest night,
Mental anguish; thoughts surround me,
Tear me, pull me, press me, hound
 
A ;
B me,
 
And the beating of my pulses
Is as horses all a-
 
A frighty
B fright
 
.
And my eyes are full of longing,
Full of eager, anxious looks,
And the feelings that are thronging
Do not seem to me belonging,
for they’re fierce and wild &and fearless
Like the ravens and the rooks.
And my blood that once was crazy
With a fervid, heated force,
[LAC-1-1-17]
11.
Acts as though it now were lazy,
And all nights seem slightly hazy
Due to unexpressed emotions;
And my life is all remorse.
To E.M.C.
When you wandered over the hills,
Those grey-green hills with me,
And we laughed and ran
And then fell down, exhausted utterly.
When we spoke of sacred things
And smelled the damp moist earth,
Yet were inclined to scoff
At the God that gave them birth.
When the sun was going down
And the dusk was just beginning
The stifled feel in our throats
Made us feel that we were sinning.
Yet we cared not, and we feared
for Youth is rash at times
And we thought of naught but ourselves
And longed for tropical climes,
for the wind was getting up
And our sense of peace was gone.
Oh Youth is a beautiful thing,
or seems so when it is done.
[LAC-1-1-18]
12.
 
A ~
D X
D 
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A To a Friend
C Beauty
 
.
Have you noticed the beauty yonder,
Above the mountains’ crest?
Yes it is best, it is best.
Much more is it lovely than diamonds are,
Oh gaze not at earth, but up higher, afar,
for the dreams of a maiden are caught in /
a net
And the hands that
 
A carresed
B caressed
 
them are dewy /
and wet.
Oh gaze, gaze up yonder,
Beyond that pale star,
At the dreams of a maiden,
Oh yes, that they are.
Look deeply, yet tenderly, lest you forget
They are dreams of a maiden all caught /
in a net
Reflections &and Impressions.
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
I.Take in Your Hands
Take in your hands
The silvery sands.
Let it drift through your fingers
[LAC-1-1-19]
13.
And onto the ground.
Catch in your eyes
The light of the skies,
And while it yet lingers
Gain beauty profound.
 
A ~
D 
 
II.Hers was a Pale Face
Hers was a pale face
Of luminous tints,
Grey-green eyes,
Scarlet lips.
Hers was a pale face.
Jet-black hair with pea-
Cock blue lights and straight
Black brows and
Long lashes.
Hers was a pale face
Of luminous tints.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D \
D 
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A III
C An Impression
 
A queer and morbid creature
With sleepy, half-shut eyes,
Oh! but her hands,
Long, white and slender
Like moonbeams on the quiet water,
[LAC-1-1-20]
14.
And finely-pencilled brows
And a mouth dangerously tender.
IV.Youth!
Youth!
Do not ask her age.
She is Youth.
Her mind and personality
Counteract her grey hairs
Which are [beautifically]sicbeatifically silver
Like the clear ring of a small
Shining bell.
The slender curves of her figure,
Her swinging, care-free walk
Make her a goddess in Hell.
VWizened, with a Face Like an
Wizened, with a face like an
Old rotten apple;
Little black eyes
And rounded back.
Only an apple with a sound heart
Could last so long.
[LAC-1-1-21]
15.
 
A ~
D 
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
VI
 
A ~
C Ph
C ~
 
 
A ~
C Fantasy
 
Elfin, sprite of the woods,
Bring your pipe and come.
Let the peaceful,
 
A s
A ~
 
blue smoke
Writhe and twist around
Your ugly face,
Smile at it,
Laugh at life.
Oh Elfin, sprite of the woods,
Twist your legs around yonder bluebell
And wear the bells as little
Blue hoods.
VIIIYour hands!
Your hands!
So hard, yet soft.
They seem like smooth pebbles
In the light of a crystal moon.
Too true.
 
A ~
D [marking]
 
VIIIYours is This Last Summer
Yours is this last summer.
Your
 
A auurn
B auburn
 
hair soon will blend
With the autumnal tints of the trees[]sic.
[LAC-1-1-22]
 
A 
D 16
 
Let your heart rejoice, it must spend
Its days with the soft drone of the bees.
Take unto yourself all the beauty
And cast aside worry and care.
Live, for this is your last summer,
And let me live in the light of your hair.
IX“Ha, Ha – I am All-Glorious,” She Cries
Ha, ha – I am all-glorious, she cries,
My eyes are shining
And my hair, my beautiful hair
Is brushed and glowing.
My skin is perfect
And my lips are red!
Yes – all true;
But
 
A shes
B she
 
knows not
That her face lacks expression
That her
 
A hearts
B heart
 
That her heart lacks love.
XYou Would Recognize Her Shadow
You would recognize her shadow
for the atmosphere it has,
You would know, at once, her grave,
Long after she were dead;
[LAC-1-1-23]
17
And her funny, grating voice
Is as music in the head.
You know it when she thinks of you,
And understand her meaning.
You would recognize her too,
By the love that issues forth
And her never-failing sympathy
Like a south wind rushing north
To melt the frosty icicles &and get the snow away.
Oh you couldn’t help but know her
As her smile is always gay.
Desire on Seeing the Ocean.
I long to dive into your aquamarine /
depths,
To cleave your freshness with my body;
To feel the rushing of your waters
On my back and breasts and forehead,
And to know
That you have risen just a fraction
Through my energy.
[LAC-1-1-24]
18
Written During Exams.
Those who are made of sterner stuff
Can concentrate.
Those who are made of sterner stuff
Can sit up late;
Can drill equations in their brain
And bear up under all the strain.
Their minds are full with history dates
And latin prose,
And chem. result, taxation rates,
Oh goodness knows!
They do not fret nor worry, yet
 
A Why
A ~
 
No need to, for the marks they’ll get
Are high and glowing: how we hate
Those people who can concentrate.
 
A ~
D 
 
Night.
The night soothed my brain &and the wind cooled /
my face,
The light of the stars,
The light of the moon,
The light of the stars and the peace of the place
Brought terrible pictures
Of night-maresnightmares and things
That hadn’t existed.
[LAC-1-1-25]
19.
And birds with soft
 
A winds
B wings
 
Flew past my body &and into the dark.
The pictures grew vivid,
The contrast intense
And the light of the stars seemed to sicken my /
sense.
I left the place knowing
That nothing was right;
And the light of the stars
Was even too bright.
Exuberance.
And so we left
And there was weeping,
Yes, weeping in the marble stair.
They are bereft
While we are sweeping
The glorious passages of air.
We leap, and twist
Our hair with roses,
And sprinkle star-dust in our eyes,
And through the mist
Our heart reposes
Upon the splendorsplendour of the skies.
[LAC-1-1-26]
20.
We sing &and sway
To fairies’ laughter
And naked, run through leafy bowers.
We meet the day
And ever after
forget the passing of the hours.
Individuality.
I love the leafy stillnesses,
The swishing of the wind,
The swirling of the river,
The rushing of the river
And the town left miles behind.
I love the lengthy silences
That speak in times forgotten,
Which none can understand but me
Which none can even hear but me
And the smell of wood all rotten.
I love grey skies above my head
And moss beneath my feet
And Nature breathing everywhere
And Nature breathing everywhere
Oh life it is complete[]sic.
[LAC-1-1-27]
21.
On Departure.
Return with your heart full of love,
Your arms full of flowers,
Your lips full of singing
And your eyes full of joy,
for I am old with the trials
Of this world. My heart needs refreshing
With the delicious cleanness of Youth.
Come.
O come with me over the hill tops
And climb up the moon’s pale rays
O come, with bare feet &and hair flowing
Where wild flowers &and grasses are growing
And the sky is
 
A a
B ~
 
deep blue up above
And elfins cavort &and sing praise
O come, &and your heart will be loving
Your mind will be free from all care,
And dew, with a beautiful sparkle
Will rest on your hands, &and your hair.
Your lips, they will open with gladness,
Your eyes, they will glisten with love
And only the heavens will know it,
The glorious splendours above.
[LAC-1-1-28]
22.
Discontent.
There was the hush of the morning
And a soft breeze stirring the flowers;
There was the day just dawning
And nothing but long, still hours;
There was the rippling river,
The peacefulness, mountains &and trees
When I thought to myself, for ever
One’s heart can want naught but these.
The summer was long &and dusty
And the autumn was bleak &and bare
When I thought to myself, Why, Beauty
Cannot be found everywhere.
My breast was just beaten with sorrow
My mind was distorted with pain
When I thought to myself “I’ll borrow
Love, and be happy again.[]sic
Youth.
The human side of nature is divine
The harsher side is horrid &and uncouth,
How strange, that through this searching /
soul of mine
I cling with longing to Eternal Youth.
[LAC-1-1-29]
23.
Time.
We, who have spent our lives
As only children can,
Conquering fears &and singing all the day,
Playing with flowers but throwing grass /
away,
Playing with mud as woman plays with /
man.
We, who have spent our
 
A years
B youth
 
In Nature’s sheltered bowers,
Clung to the beautiful, as something /
that was ours,
When we are faced with life, filth &and /
reality
When we are faced with love, Hell &and /
humility
We are amazed, frightened &and horrified,
Constantly mystified, constantly /
terrified.
Until a few short years have passed.
 
A for
A ~
 
Time changes every thing at last.
[LAC-1-1-30]
24.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
D ~
 
 
A ~
D 
D ~
 
Christ.
Over the earth &and over the river
I’m known to man as the greatest giver;
But I have crumbled Death in my hand,
Which only the Prophets understand.
And the soul stands still
And the heart, asunder,
Beats monotonously, like thunder;
And crowds forgather
And then they pass
And, naked, I stretch
On the cool, green grass,
Then open my hand to look for
 
A death
B Death
 
,
But lo, [its]sicit’s gone as I draw new breath.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
C The Star
 
 
A ~
D \
D 
 
The very essence of your heart was mine;
I bathed in it &and it suffused my being.
It bore me onward to the golden shrine
Whereat I worshipped you, until, at last, /
unseeing
I ventured from the radiant light of you
Into the night, alone, my heart, alone,
Clambered o’er rocks &and from the sight of you
[LAC-1-1-31]
25
Guided by love &and feelings too well known.
It was pitch black; I felt victorious –
Until I saw one iridescent star
That shone &and winked at me, it was all-/
glorious.
Your beauty paled, you seemed to me, afar.
Your lips were passionless, your eyes, /
lack-lustre
You could not equal such illustrious light,
And then I knew – I knew my soul must /
muster
An ill-spent strength &and banish you that /
night.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D \
D ~
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Age in Youth.
I am old to-day;
my soul has lost its freshness.
I am old &and tired
With a pain where my heart should be;
but my stupid face
smiles &and pretends [its]sicit’s happy
and my lips they move
and laugh at eternity.
Oh! when will they learn,
these people, always with me,
That I am sad
[LAC-1-1-32]
26.
and
 
A can’t bear
B hate
 
their continual noise?
 
A God
B No
 
! I want peace
 
A [And]sicand
B and
 
the piercing quiet of nature
and the dark, moist earth,
instead of their petty joys.
Ah God! are they shallow?
or am I just embittered
 
A B
A ~
 
by a gnawing pain
where a rapturous heart should be?
My Song.
I sang of love
The poets chaffed
And when I sang of God
They laughed.
I sang of hope
And not despair
The poets then
All tore their hair.
I went to them
And said, Ah you,
You write of all
Those beauties too,
[LAC-1-1-33]
27.
Why then? A song
Is much the same
[Its]sicit’s merely called
A different name.
They said Our rhymes
Are always flat
They speak not truth
In tones like that.
We cannot have
Such pure, true notes
Come forth with lies
From singing throats.
Daen.
A sun-lit face,
Whose very lines give forth a golden-glow;
A clear blue eye
That meets the world in terms of Yes or No.
A long red mouth
So passionate, yet with a tender bow;
A fine large nose
And curling hair as white as driven snow.
A figure, lithe
[LAC-1-1-34]
28.
And active –
 
A sli
A ~
 
so slim, so supple too
And bare brown legs
That doubtless were only made for you
Brown useful hands
So sensitive, as if just bathed in dew
 
A Oh
B ~
 
you’re so graceful &and so charming
So witty &and disarming
The Woods are Full of Them.
You ask me if I love you,
You say it means your life.
But others have before you
And they have each a wife.
You say I’m inspiration,
That I’m your breath &and food;
But better ones come later
Better &and twice as good.
I’m not your inspiration.
Don’t wince, it is a fact.
[Its]sicIt’s merely empty passion
That drives you to this act.
[LAC-1-1-35]
29.
Such empty childish passion –
I’ve seen it all before.
forget me for a month or two
And there’ll be plenty more.
Failure.
I said that I was better
As a writer than a wife
And though I’ve my profession
I have sacrificed my life.
I said that I was better
As a poet than a cook.
And thus I cast love from me
With a forced, yet icy look.
·      ·      ·      ·· · ·
But
 
A now
B since
 
my heart is empty
It is all in vain I try
To flourish as
 
A I
A ~
 
a writer
Now that [Ive]sicI’ve let love pass by
[LAC-1-1-36]
30
Ambition.
It was you who gave me the courage
To look people straight in the face,
And strange, it was you who induced me
To step up &and sit in your place.
Oh! creature elusive and lovely
You ran from my grasp and up higher
You painted the mountains with snows
Yet you painted the sun with red fire.
I scrambled to catch you in vain,
for you slid down a ray to the ground
And under the caverns of man
You explored countless treasures unfound.
Then with hands still pure white with the /
truth
You sped up the mountains again
I followed you always with longing
Though tortured with anguish &and pain
Ah fairy! What else could you be?
You placed me at last by your side
On the pinnacles Truth, Faith &and Fame.
Then you just sat down quietly &and died.
[LAC-1-1-37]
31
To be added to The Spangled /
Unicorn.
Loss.
I’ve got a mammy with a heart of gold.
Please don’t scold
A heart of gold
Hardened now &and cold.
She lost a baby &and a [nickle]sicnickel at the zoo
The baby didn’t matter – we still have two
But the [nickle]sicnickel – Hell
 
A [Its]sicIt
B It
 
means – oh well –
 
A It means
B ~
 
 
A no
B [no]sicNo
 
new tooth brush
or pink pair of pants
or a glorious ticket
for the cowboy dance.
Alack alack a day
I’ll have to find a cowboy
To pay my way.
Joke.
Ursula! my beauty-maiden.
Name just like a juicy pair
Ur – shu – lah
[LAC-1-1-38]
32.
Dining-car.
Church bazaar.
Ask me where
my beauty maiden goes
when the great god snows,
and the nights are dark
I know where.
Down in the basement
to make a Noah’s ark.
Ur – shu – lah.
Russian Czar.
Boozing bar.
Ha! Ha! ha!
Youth’s False Departure.
Look on this day, when
 
A uth
B Youth
 
 
A ha
A ~
 
is left behind
Not as a dreary one, a weary one
Let your troubles play with him,
Cast them all away with him.
Think not that your beauty is now hard to find.
Beauty in the old is
 
A more
B less
 
rare than in the young;
Harsh lines soften, often, often.
Youth admires the beautiful, he will not depart
You will find him lurking in the corners of your /
heart.
[LAC-1-1-39]
33
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
The Listener.
Into the silent woods I walked,
Unhappy with dead yesterdays
I sat &and with my spirit talked,
Alas! – my world just fell apart.
The air was heavy as my heart.
The past! the past! I cried in vain,
Oh! how relentless is the pain.
I thought my sobs fell all unheard
But ah God, no – there piped a bird.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
Heart Keep Still.
Only the moon, that slender crescent
Peeping above the roof:
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B ’tis
 
only the moon.
Only the rain, so soft, grey-fingered
Pattering on the glass:
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B ’tis
 
only the rain.
Only the wind, yes, whistling, whining,
Playing among
 
A thes
A ~
 
the pines:
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B ’tis
 
only the wind.
[LAC-1-1-40]
34
Only a thought of cherished moments
Flickering in my mind.
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B [tis]sic’tis
 
only a thought.
Heart, keep still!
Sacrifice.
If I did truly love you,
I’d be content
To let you go &and leave you,
Not resent
The age-long silences
Repeating pain
Where, once, the accents of your
Voice were rain
To me, so thirsty.
If I did truly love you
This would be
The very greatest joy
Permitted me.
Your pleasure would come first
Before my woe
I’ve thought, &and now Yes darling
You may go.
I will stay thirsty.
[LAC-1-1-41]
35.
To – T.
Just once or twice in a lifetime
Does a fresh breeze blow in our face
And we choose not the time or the place.
It comes when we least expect it,
It comes – oh we know not when.
And it fills our hearts with gladness
That is not often felt by men.
Deception.
Why are we foolish?
Why are we gay?
Oh God! why do we say
Love is a venture,
Life is a song
And Love will bear us along.?
Our song’s
 
A depe
A ~
 
deceptive &and flat
for life’s not really like that.
Grey Hairs.
(written for a skit.)
Grey hairs – you are my attraction,
Grey hairs – drive me to distraction.
Three, no four, delightful people now
Have won me with their smiles
[LAC-1-1-42]
36.
And the grey upon their brow.
My God! how do you do it?
You are putting me through it
Causing me anguish,
Yes, &and remorse[]sic.
Oh how you capture
With your subtle force!
Please go – leave my heart with me
I know I am alive
Oh how, how I do strive
To escape those grey hairs
Flocking in pairs.
How do you do it?
Stop for a minute
Let me have breath.
Grey hairs,
 
A y
A ~
 
others aren’t in it.
Grey hairs, you’ll be my death.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Melancholia.
My long-awaited solitude has gone –
Gone with the first leaf’s fall,
The first grey mist.
Only the twittering notes of a sparrow’s /
call
Tell me that life goes on
[LAC-1-1-43]
37.
The long, white road
That winds in quiet aloofness
Up the hill
Speaks in tones forgotten
And untuned
Of dusty wayfarers
And carefree souls.
And then I turn
And light a cigarette
And lift the cold receiver from the phone
And know that solitude
Is not for me just yet
Though I may long &and long to be alone.
Nature’s Creatures
Tanned skin –
Yours is so golden!
Red lips –
Beautifully molden.
Blue eyes
With such a twinkle
Smooth skin
Never a wrinkle.
Ah! Nature! Why make such creatures
With such all-glorious features[]sic?
They hold my heart &and my soul
[LAC-1-1-44]
38
In fact they capture my whole.
Just for the Moment.
Just for the moment
My heart is aflame
And my eyes are seeking the Stars.
Just for the moment
I mutter a name
And gaze upon Saturn &and Mars.
Just for
 
A a
A ~
 
the moment
I cry in the night
And clutch at the sheets of the bed.
I fall in the flight
And rise with a pain in my head.
 When I Think of You Who Meant All to Me
When I think of you who meant all to me,
All, my life, my love;
When I think of how you would call to me,
Call to me, from above.
To you it meant nothing, I realize now
But those calls to me were divine.
I sometimes wonder &and ask myself how
Devotion could act just like wine.
[LAC-1-1-45]
39.
Then I think of your eyes so tender, dear[.]sic
So tender &and oh! so kind.
Then I think how your words could render, dear,
Storms in this narrow mind.
It’s queer how you’ve changed from a /
glorious god
To a being less near than a brother[]sic.
It’s queer what even on humble sod
One sex can do to another.
Why Feel?
It was a dull &and gloomy day,
The sky was grey above;
The trees all swayed &and moaned &and /
wailed
But life was full of love.
It’s queer, how, when the weather’s /
wet,
How, when the skies are grey
Most people don’t feel sad, &and yet
Why feel? [I]sicIt doesn’t pay.
Beauty.
Beauty is so poignant
It hurts, ah God! it hurts.
How can we bear to sit &and stare
[LAC-1-1-46]
40
At a sunset golden &and red?
It stabs the heart with beauty rare,
The heart, yes, not the head.
 
A ~
D *
D ~
 
 
A Delusions
C Illusions.
 
Do you remember how we rode together?
With the wind in our face &and our hair
And swam whatever the weather
And laughed at our bodies bare?
Do you remember how we played together?
From morning unto night.
And thought that for ever &and ever
Our life was to be delight?
[Anthasian]sicAthanasian Creed.
Anthasian Creed? – I’m told to write
A poem about you;
But ignorance it checks me here,
I don’t know what to do.
I’ve never heard the phrase before
or seen it written, but
Considering I’m forced to write,
Some nonsense will I put.
[LAC-1-1-47]
41
Alas! my mind has gone quite blank,
No help
 
A in it
A ~
 
is found in it;
And so I think before I write
I’ll have to learn a bit.
The Lighting of the Lamps.
The lamplighter is old &and withered &and grey,
He comes round every night about dark.
He’s sleeping &and eating the whole of the day
But at night he lights lamps in the park.
I look through my window, I peep as he goes
When I’m meant to be going to bed.
It’s such a temptation. Oh! nobody
 
A knew
A ~
 
knows
for three nights ago Mummy said:
Don’t waste your time, darling, now take /
[of]sicoff your socks[]sic,
You have years to see lamplighter men.
Come, off with your panties, don’t get on /
the box,
When you’re older, you’ll look at him then.
It’s no use complaining, but oh! don’t /
they know
That it’s now I like lamplighter man
[LAC-1-1-48]
42
When I’m older I’ll be like my parents &and so
I [wont]sicwon’t want to look out at him then.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Reality.
I was beset by beauty – that old thrill
Of reading till the very pages, still
Of common paper, no more seemed;
The words alone were there.
And then, once more I dreamed
That all the words were true!
Visions of glorious sunsets
[Blazened]sicBlazoned before my eyes;
Luscious buds just bursting
Caused me pained surprizesurprise;
Tremulous aspens dancing
In a fairy ring,
Rippling water calling
Seemed the
 
A one
B ~
 
only thing
That my soul delighted in.
·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·· · ·
And then a noise –
A honking horn perhaps,
or maid with mop or broom
Shattered all these joys.
 
A ~
B Cast my mind in gloom
 
I stirred,
 
A 
B the
 
, the light was dim
My very hands seemed old.
[LAC-1-1-49]
43.
I looked – the fire was out
And I was cold.
The Child.
 
A ~
D 
 
Yes, I loved you –
Loved you as a child
With all that was in me.
[Yours]sicYour ways were wild
Yet you could win me.
You talked to me
Kissed me often, too.
Then something came between
And love was through.
You say love’s serene?
Ah! never mind, one day you’ll discover
That the child has another lover.
 
A ~
C Regrets.
 
To love &and then to forget,
Not yet, not yet
Is this given us.
To love &and then to remember.
That is life.
[LAC-1-1-50]
44.
A life of broken hearts &and disillusionments.
And the strife
And conflicts drain the mind of force.
To love &and then to forget.
Ah no! regret, regret.
Bitterness.
Have you ever loved with all that is in you?
Poured forth your heart at another’s feet?
Been loved in return with a passionate fire
Then found yourself standing on the castles /
you built?
Ah – the agony!
Have you ever – but no, I can go no further,
for the Hell of it all is too much.
We concoct worries to counteract such /
experiences
And then years later, having become hardened
Laugh at our own unfortunate youth.
Constancy.
Yet I love you.
You have broken my heart,
Smashed my image,
Ruined days,
[LAC-1-1-51]
45.
And yet your ways
Are just part
Of this life of mine.
Toss me aside,
Pick me up.
Use your spurs,
I’ll reside
Always ready for your love
Always reaching out to you
Long as stars &and sun will shine
Long as skies are blue.
Good-byes
Strange how, on the eve of departure
We long for a few days more
And think of the past, not the future,
And all that it held in store.
How we hate all good-byes that are cheery
for we feel they don’t mean anything
Yet of sad ones we also are leary
for grief’s a tempestuous thing.
[LAC-1-1-52]
46.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
[Astors]sicAsters in a Bowl.
[Astors]sicAsters in a bowl!
I pity you – you never knew him.
This little life of yours has gone for naught,
But then, it was the daffodils that slew him
or was it I?
My heart says No. because I loved him so.
But love is overpowering, so they say.
Perhaps I stifled him –&and yet the flowers –
He was so queer that day.
Love died apparently.
I knew it not till later, but it did.
It died a tragic death amid
A humid, hot profusion
Of golden heads.
Too human daffodils,
We both are murderers.
[Astors]sicAsters, I pity you
Who grew
[To]sicToo late from out your earthy beds
To know him.
[LAC-1-1-53]
47.
A Conversation between E. St. V. Millay /
&and Rupert Brooke after Death.
E.St.V.M.
How strange it is to meet you here[]sic.
I never dreamed I would.
I asked my mother once – she said
That if I followed where you led
I really [mind]sicmight do well, how should
I know she meant celestial food.
R.B.
Now I am dead, think only this of me:
That there’s some corner
 
A of
A ~
 
in this wide, blue /
heaven
That is, for aye, my workshop. There shall be
No mockery or days of failure ev’n.
A girl, whom the States bore, shaped, made /
aware,
Gave once her flowers to love, her ways to /
roam
And all you did was copy me, nor care
That what you wrote was just as froth /
or foam.
[LAC-1-1-54]
48.
 
A ~
D 
 
Irony.
Down the long paths of life,
Through the pink clouds of Hell,
Ever-seeking a Heaven
We wander, &and yet press forward,
Clutching at helpless things
With ever moving fingers;
At nettles with sharp stings
And prickles &and knife-edges,
And the awful pain still lingers
Long after we are well.
We claw &and grasp but still go on,
We shake &and whimper, but in vain.
This awful life continues
And our bodies yet our own.
We wonder at the clever &and scoff at the insane,
And then – a while before
 
A b
A ~
 
we die,
With groping hands &and mouldy heart,
With parting breath, soon, soon to part,
We clutch a soft thing.
God! the joy of something warm &and tender.
Then lest we lose it soon
We squeeze
 
A 
A ~
 
it hard, glad for a minute –
It is not so soft now our fingers are in it.
And looking down with bleary eyes
Gaze on the awful sight of a young bird[]sic.
[LAC-1-1-55]
49.
Yes, by our hand it dies!
Ah! the Fates are kind,
One moment of joy then misery;
And after having taken breath,
With that in our hearts
We meet our death!
Injustice.
Why should the trees be rooted?
Oh, my God!
Why should the trees be rooted
In the sod?
Such plaintiff arms they stretch,
Such swinging dresses.
They must be lonely for
Their lovers’ caresses.
Why should the trees be rooted?
Oh, my God!
Why should the trees be rooted
In the sod?
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Night.
The night arrives on velvet-sandalled feet
With constant side-long glances of retreat;
Yet on it draws, till gradually it closes
[LAC-1-1-56]
50
 
A His
B Its
 
cloak of darkness o’er the slumbering roses.
With soft caressing hands
 
A he
B it
 
shuts each flower,
Surrounds the world more densely every hour;
Encourages the stars to shine &and beckons
The moon to shed
 
A her
B its
 
radiance on the earth.
I love him with his whispering, silky movements,
for it was night when my delight had birth.
Unloved.
The [invisable]sicinvisible mockery of a loveless age –
Oh! how it eats one’s heart!
How the naked nights of grief
Just tear one’s soul apart.
How one longs without knowing
Just to love &and live &and love
And grasp with heart o’erflowing
A beauteous thing, which growing
Is nothing short of art.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
A Discovery.
I think I have always loved you
But never known till now. –
Your sad, grey eyes &and tired careworn brow.
You played on my very heart-strings
In a tender subtle strain,
[LAC-1-1-57]
51.
And, fool that I was, I probed into my brain
for the reaction; none was there.
I conjured up a hundred different feelings,
All were false. And then the air
Quite quickly grew unhappy
And I cried aloud,
And searched my heart,
My head I found was bowed.
I kneel before you now, with eyes downcast,
I love you, love you, cried my soul at last.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
B The
 
Old Rectory.
A dreamy stillness lurks within its walls
And echoing
 
A ef
A ~
 
elfin laughter fills its halls.
An atmosphere of hazy listlessness
Which soothes the worried head &and ruptured /
heart.
A silence [with]sicwhich commands the beautiful
To grow &and live &and
 
A never to
B nevermore
 
depart.
A lovely place with nooks &and crevices
And dim, dark shadows, soft with ancient /
dreams
And flashing lights from fancy’s imagery
Dance on the whitened walls &and age old /
beams.
[LAC-1-1-58]
52.
A very
 
A d
A ~
 
place of sorrow &and delight,
A place of new-born hope, a magic whole,
That even, just to rest there for a night
Brings sweet content unto a lifeless soul.
[LAC-1-1-59]
Eighteen.
[LAC-1-1-60]
53.
 
A ~
D *
 
To Lady Lilian.
You sat,
Swathed in an oyster dress
With pearls in your ears.
You were so beautiful
Your face
Soon filled my eyes with tears.
You stood,
A flowing copper dress
Fell down around your feet,
You were so beautiful
My heart
Began a faster beat.
You laughed,
The world was full of song,
Your laugh was like a
 
A 
B bell,
 
 
A bell,
B ~
 
It was so beautiful
Your face
Reflected it as well.
You spoke,
Your voice was musical,
Yet had a sobbing note,
It was so beautiful
[LAC-1-1-61]
54.
My heart
Rushed up into my throat.
The Soldier.
What, though they laughed at him,
Laughed &and cajoled,
He will not weary grow,
Nor yet grow old.
 
A No,
A ~
 
Sad? Yes. Disconsolate,
Bearer of pain.
His is the victory
But whose the gain[.]sic?
 
A ~
D 
 
Aftermath.
And so to-day,
 
A a
A ~
 
with nothing left but taste of last /
[nights’]sicnight’s wine
I seek seclusion.
That mad night – how thought I then that it was /
grand &and fine?
My one conclusion,
My one remaining thought is sour &and bitter.
My pulse still beats the same as days before
This
 
A man
A ~
 
madness. Yet I say
I seek seclusion –
[LAC-1-1-62]
TORN
[LAC-1-1-63]
TORN
[LAC-1-1-64]
57.
 
A ~
D 
 
Two Homes.
It was a fairy home I had
Where tiger-lilies grow
And on my brow my mother pressed
A diadem of snow
And in my heart, at rest, unstressed
My father’s ashes glow.
It was a fairy home I had
But that was long ago
It is a crystal house I have
With glittering walls around
Where people have not learned the joy
Of tiger-lilies found
By unborn hands. All is alloy
A mixture &and a mound[]sic.
It is a crystal house I have
With snow drops on the ground.
My father’s ashes? They still glow
But life is just an overflow.
[LAC-1-1-65]
58.
 
A ~
C On Discussing Canada with the English.
 
You say you hate the prairies, the long stretches
of wheat &and
 
A p
A ~
 
corn &and tousled, wind-blown flowers.
You say you hate the young cow-hand who /
fetches
the cattle from the grass in twilight hours.
You say you’d sooner see the people round /
you
 
A and eat gross
A ~
 
the cluttered roads &and houses /
thick with man,
and eat gross dinners, with phlegmatic /
people,
of Yorkshire pudding, good roast beef &and ham.
You tell me that the prairies are depressing
and that you find such solitude a bore;
you say – but no .. I say [its]sicit’s too /
distressing,
I’ve listened to
 
A these monologues
B such talks as these
 
before.
I’ve heard the same words spoken, yes, /
already
by fumbling lips, unknowing &and unknown –
Ah! God – the very thought makes me /
unsteady
[LAC-1-1-66]
59.
Come prairies, come, for
 
A 
A ~
 
I am all alone[..]sic.
 
A ~
B The Sacrament.
 
Yours is my soul &and I give it
as a sacrament, tattered &and torn,
tattered &and torn, yes &and worn.
Open your heart [than]sicthat is fuller
than mine, dear, could possibly be,
open &and take, don’t discard it,
the sacrament, given by me.
Don’t ask me why, just accept it,
constantly battered by love,
battered &and shattered by love.
I am the giver, the gainer,
you are the loser, perhaps.
But, God, take it now, I implore you,
take it ere ever it snaps.
The Change.
A really common heart she had,
But oh how true!
An unbecoming way of speech
Yet tender too.
A painted mouth &and broken shoes
[LAC-1-1-67]
60.
And cheap
 
A silks
A ~
 
silk-stockings, different hues.
She learned to have exalted thoughts
And bitter too
And learned to modulate her voice.
Her life was through.
A well-dressed woman, now, they say
Yet falseness holds her in its sway.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
 
A To Violet.
B [The Change]sicTo Violet
 
Grey London, grey cars, grey faces,
 
A A
B a
 
fog, a night of weary happenings –
[A]sica life, quite changeless &and monotonous
like a wheel turning with its cogs /
worn down.
A sombre life – a dirty pigeon flying,
a lot of filthy garbage in a pail,
an errand-boy – anaemic, with a /
parcel[]sic,
a working man, venereal &and smooth.
Then like the lightning in a thunder storm
a flashing sports car dashes through the /
street
yet driven sanely, by a clean-faced /
boy.
[LAC-1-1-68]
61.
A boy of healthy hands, of purring thoughtful eyes,
a boy who likes to race &and yet likes people too
&and for their sakes he curbs his youthful joy
and stops at danger signs, &and too, slows up
at crossings &and when people are about;
yet when the road is free he dashes on.
His eyes are dancing
 
A now
B ~
 
&and his arms are /
wings.
But London is a different city now.
She shuts her foggy eyes in ecstasy
 
A And
B and
 
thrills at common things like /
tramping feet
and throbbing engines of unwieldy trucks
and crackling paper in the cheaper /
stores.
 Calgary Faces
Only strange moon-lit evenings
with shadows in leafy places
make me remember clearly
well-loved Calgary faces.
The sun in his golden orbit
is happy with smiling graces
so then I will not think of
[LAC-1-1-69]
62.
well-loved Calgary faces.
.I Will Not Forget You
I will not forget you,
nor will I remember,
for the memory of you
is like sun in November.
Warms for a brief minute
then goes &and the frost is on you
&and you cry with a voice of anguish
Why did the gods begin it?
Why?
Why is the sunlight on your shining hair
hurting my eyes as I stand here &and stare?
Why is the look in your eyes as you sit
making me weep with the beauty of it?
Why are
 
A o
A ~
 
your hands that are gentle &and /
strong
music to me – a melodious song?
[LAC-1-1-70]
63.
Instability.
Here in this abysmal world
this world of suffering
I catch at new-born thoughts, unfurled
and place them in a ring.
I stand surrounded by them
and I contemplate in turn
the
 
A intrc
A ~
 
intricacies of each one
and then I let them burn.
I let them burn &and smoulder
in a brain [thats]sicthat’s lost such joy
and then I
 
A clutc
A ~
 
cast them from me
before they clutch &and cling.
Before they clutch and cling, oh God!
and then my mind is blank
and ready for more new-born thoughts
that line up rank by rank.
The Only Way.
I trip the light fantastic toe
Hither &and thither wherever I go
and try to forget the youth that’s dead
when I wearily close my eyes in bed.
for the thought of it all is a terrible dream
and I’m lost in the filth of a stagnant stream.
[LAC-1-1-71]
64.
A Face.
A tender face, where meet the thoughts of human /
understanding
where neath’neath the slope of wisdom’s roof all /
sympathies are banding.
Hat Consciousness.
In olden days
the gallant knight
a [pluméd]sicplumèd helmet wore;
he won the love
of maidens in
hat-conscious days of yore.
Ah hatless youths!
How can you gain
a [womans]sicwoman’s ardent praise?
How can you seek
to win our love
if you’ve no hat to raise?
[LAC-1-1-72]
65.
 It was with Joy that I First Saw You Smile
It was with joy that I first saw you smile,
It was with joy that I first heard you speak,
You give me such great pleasure for the while
In which I see you, dear, one day each week.
It was with joy that I first saw you walk
It was with joy that I first heard you laugh
The smooth &and soothing cadence of your /
talk
Is like ripe kernels mixed with so much chaff.
Atmospherical.
I saw the sunlight climbing thru’through the trees,
the frosty trees, grey black against the sky.
It sparkled on the glittering frozen boughs
in shining beauty falling from on high.
I saw the moonlight gleaming on the sward,
the frosty sward, with white upon its brow.
It had a look of evil phantasy
that chills my soul when thinking of it now.
[LAC-1-1-73]
66
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
I Bring Pale Flowers.
I bring pale flowers
that catch the moon’s white light
and glimmer in the shadow of your night;
pale silver flowers
that live a little day,
before with drooping heads they fade away.
Such solid things
as books or ornaments
catch not in cups the vasty firmaments,
but merely is
phlegmatic as the good
in simple attitudes of cloth and wood.
I bring pale flowers
that say so subtly
that for to-day I love you utterly.
With dying tongues
they whisper that I do,
but I may change, so I bring flowers to you.
[LAC-1-1-74]
67.
 
A ~
D *
 
Your Mind.
Such was your mind
and so I tore myself from out the wood
of your imagination.
You had succeeded
for my heart was bare &and bleeding;
your thorny briars snugly camouflaged
had scratched at me in passing;
your low, [darking]sicdarkling-sweeping beech boughs
had encumbered all my movements
and the sweetness of your chestnut spikes
had [poisene]sicpoisoned all my blood
to nauseation.
Telephones.
Those tiny wires that link our voices, dear,
that make me hear the words you have to say
in your own voice thrilling &and resonant
those tiny wires
 
A f
A ~
 
together weave &and play
&and so, together form a mystical,
mechanical device which brings from you
a message, a vibration over space,
to me, the hearer, raptured, &and one who
has waited breathlessly for centuries
to catch a sound resembling? No,
[LAC-1-1-75]
68
but reminiscent of those days so long ago.
I am amazed. With thought new wonder comes.
Those tiny wires – I yet repeat the phrase.
How foolish am I!
Why such wonder when
no wires, machinery or instruments
are needed for the music of our hearts;
no dials or numbers or technicians, dear,
are wanted for the music of our souls.
tho’Though we were poles apart,
tho’Though wires were not,
tho’Though space &and time had parted you from me
we were not speechless, no we never were
for hearts and souls speak thru’through eternity.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D X
 
.A Smoky Greyness
A smoky greyness
fringed with phantom trees
that ride the sky
as ships on billowy seas;
a swelling vastness
holding all the world
as Spanish galleons
with their sails unfurled.
[LAC-1-1-76]
69.
Temptation.
Call me from my haven, where the dull /
moons gleam,
to the bare room where visions flashed as /
in a dream.
Call me from my comfort, tear me from /
content
to poverty and yearning after time misspent.
Whisper silver-soft of the rivulets that leap
and shriek to me of stars that prevent all /
sleep;
talk to me of people, strange, strong &and bare
who stand upon the tables and will always /
be there.
Remind me of the mountains, the air, the /
 
A 
A ~
 
atmosphere
and tell me that monotony is
 
A 
A ~
 
stifling me here.
Tell me of the thunder that rolls as
 
A is
A ~
 
does /
a drum
and my only answer could be, I come! I /
come!
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D New Verse.
 
A Symphony of The Senses.
Your arms, curving like soft billows
rich with mystic truth,
[LAC-1-1-77]
70.
advance &and vanish on the evening air
with some sweet sense of swerving destiny.
My mind, grasping for the meaning,
gropes with fingers blind,
swirls &and unites with the ethereal
til after one last rush of keen despair
it mingles with the rhythm of your arms.
 
A ~
D *
 
Good-bye.
Last summer was it? I only know
the night was dark – within, without.
The party over, we had gone
to get our cars &and leave.
I only know the night was dark;
your face was there
as though a light suspended from above
fell on it.
We had been gay that evening
(and my hat was perched upon the tumble of my hair
 
A in
B at
 
at some absurd new angle.)
I had laughed,
for such a night it was,
when tears were nearer to the heart
than laughter.
That made me laugh &and laugh,
[LAC-1-1-78]
71.
repeat old stories &and consume more drinks.
And then at last,
when everything was late
and laughter was not in my heart at all
we left to find our cars.
And still I laughed.
I saw your pale, clear face,
your slanting grey-green eyes,
your hair
in golden ringlets down your cheeks,
illumined by some
candle flame of love.
I said Oh! Thanks so much
and laughed, The party has been fun.
[]sic(Your eyes were fresh green almonds
in a bowl of good white china.)
And people
 
A ea
A ~
 
And people all were there,
standing &and say Hurry!
or Hell! it’s late &and I was disconcerted.
Goodbye I said (and true it was good-bye)
and laughed again, a hollow empty laugh,
&and threw my hat into the upper dark
with some gay, fool remark
about a story told by so-&and-so.
Then turned about &and ran a little way
&and found the car &and – yes –
the night was dark – within, without.
[LAC-1-1-79]
72.
I only know your face was there
 
A And
B and
 
and both of us, we laughed.
The Idiot.
Cringing near an apple-box
in an empty cellar,
surrounded by the dampness &and the gloom
sits an idiot.
Playing with his fingers as
a slow stream of saliva
dribbles from his mouth onto his chest.
He has eyes that see not things
that others say they see;
he has lips that speak not words
that others understand;
he has ears that hear strange sounds –
noise of fairies’ laughter,
calls of demons from the deep,
cows that talk &and people who
placidly will sit &and moo.
He is happy in his way
playing with his fingers,
talking to the black-winged cats
&and to large &and lumbering ants,
dribbling saliva.
He is happy in the gloom
[LAC-1-1-80]
73.
of that empty cellar room.
 
A ~
D \
 
XXTwisting and Twirling
Twisting &and twirling
confusion &and chaos
my feelings all surge &and entwine
slashing &and swirling
a riot of colour
but with a deep-rooted design
some with the force &and the flash &and the passion
of paintings by Vincent Van Gogh
some that are petty &and pastel &and foolish
some that are coarse, lewd &and rough
phlegmatic I sit in this riot of colour
in the grip of a vice-like &and terrible pain –
silent I sit though my soul shrieks in /
anguish
God for my passive resistance again!
 
A ~
D *
 
 That Full Relief of Knowing What to Say and What to Do
That full relief of knowing what to say &and /
what to do,
yet doing nothing, with a heart so full
that but to speak returns tears to the eyes.
That swelling, filled up feeling in one’s breast
[LAC-1-1-81]
74
which hurts while it brings peace &and thankfulness.
All that you made me feel, (as though I [wore]sicwere /
a child)
that once, when after years we sat together.
To see you sitting there quite naturally
and saying Yes, she had a child,
his name is Patrick, but she calls him Pat.
or Mother was not well at Christmas Time,
we fed her [calve’s]siccalves’ foot jelly.
And I, replying Yes &and No &and Oh
as if I really was most interested.
While all the time, we both, were longing so to /
speak
as once we did, those many years ago.
At last, when after hours &and hours together,
and Big Ben struck six times &and all was through,
we knew that we had said nothing that mattered,
&and tried, at once, to reach that depth again
which once we knew so well, those years ago;
til realizing
 
A with
A ~
 
quickly, with one look
that both had suffered torment in our hearts,
we left. Good-bye. we said, &and then I’ll write
and tell you what I meant to say to-day.
And once again our hearts were full &and we
could speak no more, but
 
A [chocked]sicchoked
B [choaked]sicchoked
 
&and hurried on
[LAC-1-1-82]
75.
to grapple with the crowd &and push our ways
onto our different buses, &and to go
in different directions once again.
But it was better so. Intense pain was not /
there.
Only a dull, full ache that showed us both so /
well
the depth of our affections &and the force
of genuine emotions, though they be
stifled &and well-controlled.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
Light &and Shade.
As some far [gutteral]sicguttural noise that sweeps the night
descends upon the stillness of my room
I rise &and take a stalk with drooping head
and pin it in the blackness of my hair.
I take a pale green apple from a bowl
of yellow china &and I run from shade
to patch of moonlight till I reach the wood.
I dance a silver pattern with my feet
 
A upon
B ~
 
 
A ~
B upon
 
 
A the
B ~
B the
 
 
A softest
B soft
B ~
 
 
A moss
B ~
 
 
A ~
B moss
 
 
A that ever grew
B age-old and drenched with dew
B grown soft &and dark with age
 
 
A ;
B .
 
I plant my apple pips in rich, moist earth
and touch the gnarled old
 
A trunk
B trunks
 
with slender /
hand;
I weave a tapestry with glowing words
[LAC-1-1-83]
76.
and little catches of forgotten songs.
The night is mine, I bathe my soul in it
until the cold grey dawn bids me return
Surroundings.
The cold
 
A g
A ~
 
spiked greyness of a steeple
through the dusty glass;
the grimy pinkness of the tenements,
the factory chimneys and the heavy smoke;
these are the sights that meet my eyes
when with a weary sigh
I gaze toward the window from my work.
Coldness, squalor, filth – of these
so much our life is made.
And in the room
the air is heavy as my heart,
but still is coldness, squalor, filth;
unhealthy minds exuding foul smells,
unwholesome thoughts are drifting through /
the room
&and clinging to the few bright specks of light
so desperately they cast it all in grey.
[LAC-1-1-84]
77.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D New Verse.
 
Crisis.
Surging echoes of thunderous pasts
rush with beating wings to tear me /
from Tranquility.
This calmness – why is it going?
Soft calmness of quiescent slumbers –
 
A Vapourous
B Vaporously
 
 
A caressings
B caressing
 
,
it is afraid of memories of turmoil &and stress[]sic.
Stress &and volcanic eruption
turning all beauty to fire.
Day is no longer smooth like a pebble
worn by the hands of the ages.
Night – it is all that is left to me –
all of Tranquility;
yet even the night is changed, changed
&and disturbing –
&and disturbing –Sleep has no soothing power
now there are dreams.
[Prolongued]sicProlonged
 
A Cries
B Crisis
 
Your brow &and eyes so calm – my dear
so calm.
Yet only the restless waves
equal your heart.
[LAC-1-1-85]
78
The greyness of the sea
is in your eyes,
[it’s]sicits fieriness is caught
within your breast.
Don’t curb your beating heart –
its ebb &and flow, [it’s]sicits storminess
which tosses me about
is what I love.
The world, life as it is, is not for you.
Your thoughts escape
&and curl &and twist about
above the petty minds;
they soar &and form a net
of [fancy’s]sicfancies, poems &and ideals
original yet strong.
This net was floating high
for years &and years
until one day it chanced upon my heart.
The Dance.
Shrieking, discordant sounds striking the air
&and hurtling through the room –
Mad! all the people are mad – tearing around –
all senses are drugged. The lust of the body
possesses this mob – tearing &and shrieking.
Yet, in this Hell we are alone, strangely intact.
[LAC-1-1-86]
79.
Our dance is slower, our eyes meet &and dwell
in the secret depths of each other’s souls.
We alone are immune in this crowd –
we alone live in each others hearts.
 
A ~
C XXXDid I Say I loved Him?
 
Did I say I loved him?
Was it my voice in the dark sounding so strange?
or was it the wind? – or my imagination?
My love must not be breathed
lest the fluttering curtains sweep it
from my room
out into the night – alone –
It would then be lost
and would not grow and swell
like a mighty wind so surround
his house.
 Down to the Depths of Human Peril
Down to the depths of human peril
Downdown from the realms of hope you came
shrouded in mystery – not a person
dreamed a syllable of your name.
You were the one for whom I’d waited
endlessly – in this world of fear.
You were the one – I never doubted
[LAC-1-1-87]
80.
Andand now, ah now draw me closer dear.
 
A ~
D *
 
The Prophet.
She wrote to me.
Her letter was her heart
Drippingdripping blood on the paper in words.
I told them it was blood,
Andand the words made incisions in my brain,
Likelike rain piercing the earth
and quickening roots to sprout
in Spring.
I told them so
 
A repeadedly
B repeatedly
 
they would not listen.
And then on rainy days
I’d point my finger
at the glistening drops &and say,
Her letter was like blood.
They never understood,
but raised inquiring eyebrows
&and shook heads.
I knew it then
and now they say,
[indent] She’s dead!
[LAC-1-1-88]
Nineteen
 
A ~
B &and Twenty.
 
[LAC-1-1-89]
81
 I Think Perhaps If You But Really Loved Me Dear
I think perhaps if you but really loved me dear,
lost your life in mine completely,
you would lose your bitterness and I
my terror.
You’ve had a struggle since a lad[]sic,
mine has been a life of ease.
You – afraid of nothing, are a man –
a cynical &and greatly soured one.
I have lived in comfort all my life
with so much time upon my hands
that I’ve become engulfed by self
and need oblivion.
Fear.
The night was still but for the roar of waves;
the night was warm, warm tho’though the night was March,
when you and I, safe in each other’s arms
knew we’d found love.
I was afraid – feared lest a wind should stir[]sic,
feared lest the trees should rustle and chill our love
it was so new, that I was afraid for it,
afraid for love.
[LAC-1-1-90]
82
You kissed my lips, first very tenderly,
kissed them again, burning with love’s first thrill,
I was aglow, tremulous, unified
and so were you[]sic.
You kissed my eyes, how I had longed for this,
you kissed my hair, gentle as any child,
then you kissed my lips, hungrily, passionately
&and I kissed you.
 
A ~
D *
 
Love!
Love, this thing the [poet’s]sicpoets write about,
this thing that makes the world go round,
this glorious, self-sacrificing
omnipotent &and awe-inspring feeling.
Ah! God how can they lie?
Those words they speak should be driven back into /
their breasts.
With automatic drills.
This love, this cursed plague,
this faith in those who know not loyalty;
this rotten, worm-riddled, rancid state
of trusting your soul, your beautiful soul
in warty hands that know not what they handle.
Illusions! how we wallow in them as children /
will in mud
&and soak our hearts in lies – a sugar syrup.
[LAC-1-1-91]
83
What fools we mortals are – until we learn
until we know how false the world is,
until our foolish trusting hearts are wrung of /
life blood
&and left like shrivelled walnuts, dry &and bitter.
 Listless, I lay
Listless, I lay
as a drunken sot
lies in the nearest chair
or bath or sofa –
it matters not
so long as the weight of his body’s there.
Such was my state;
though my eyes were dim
and all my features blurred
 
A ,
B ~
 
from anxious waiting
 
A ~
B ,
 
at thought of him
a tremulous pulse in my being stirred.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
C Sleeplessness.
 
My love,
I have been waiting thru’through the dark
[LAC-1-1-92]
84
for the pale dawn to find your face
in the vast sea of pillows &and of night.
Now it has come.
First as the black changed to grey
I thought I saw your face with staring so,
then my eyes,
tired with their anxious waiting
closed, and when next they opened,
dark grey had changed to light –
and you were there,
defying night.
There was your nose
 
A outlined agai
A ~
 
outlined against your cheek,
and that strong curve of flesh
half hidden now by so much pillow.
There, your eyes – lidded,
and your long dark lashes like two fans
of shadow on your face;
your hair all rumpled &and one hand
curled near the crisp curve of your ear.
Spring.
Did you say crocuses?
Soft &and furry crocuses?
[did]sicDid you? Oh tell me
for the answer means so much
[LAC-1-1-93]
85.
means more than most things.
It means Spring.
 I’m Tired of It All, Dear Heart, I’m Tired of It All
I’m tired of it all, dear heart, I’m tired of it all,
your rapturous kiss, your devoted eyes
your keen delight &and marked surprizesurprise
when I enter a room. But I’m tired of it all.
I said I loved you? Once perhaps
in a glorious moment, a soulful lapse
‘tween night &and dawn; now I’m tired of it all.
I’m tired of your love &and your loyalty
And tired of saying you’re all to me.
All to me – but I’ve said to you dear
[indent] That I’m tired of it all.
 
A ~
D *
 
My Mind.
My mind is dappled like young fauns
or like the moss under trees in full leaf
as the sun shines.
It is mottled like pie-bald ponies
who rear in the circus ring
or like the slinking leopard
in the vaporous depths of jungle.
[LAC-1-1-94]
86
 
A ~
C It’s the Gypsy in Me.
 
My wild heart sings for freedom,
calls in an untamed voice
half [gutteral]sicguttural &and half shrill,
until my throbbing head
is loud with fierce desires
to be a gypsy
 
A &
B or
 
a vagabond;
a wanderer with flowers in my hair;
an artist with a loose unmoral code.
Compensation.
So glad I am that on that night in June
when you were holding the all-trembling me
in your all-passionate you
then I was silent.
I might have sighed or said some foolish
 
A word
B thing
 
that showed just how I felt.
But as it
 
A was
B is
 
– the story now can end.
Had I but breathed a word or two that night,
in my discarded state, the pain of loss
would but be added to by knowing that /
you knew
but now, since I was silent then,
my tears can all be shed in longing for your love
 
A and
B ~
 
not in
 
A self-
B ~
 
humiliation.
[LAC-1-1-95]
87.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
C Surrender.
 
A tree stood black against the milk-white moon
and all the noises of a silence rang within /
my ears,
and all the kisses of a thousand loves
mingled
 
A in
A ~
 
together in that one long kiss
burned on my lips.
You, the unattainable – who equalled only /
the milk-white splendorsplendour of the moon
combined with that dusky-velvet depth of /
trees at midnight
had captured me.
You – irresistible –
fathoming depths I little knew I had,
caught me &and held me.
I, who had always thought myself
uncapturable.
 
A ~
D *
 
Domesticity.
You frightened me that day.
You were not you, but the thousands like you
So many millions had melted into your being.
You sang a heavy song
with heavy wooden lips;
you formed mere words – grown meaningless
[LAC-1-1-96]
88
thruthrough contact with your soul,
your house and your environment.
Your voice broke on the top notes
as you stretched a reddened hand to reach /
the salt.
This while you sang
the suet pudding bubbled on the stove
(the suet pudding!)
Potatoes changed
from hard, crisp, earthy things
to flaky, starchy whiteness
thruthrough contact with your hands.
The copper lost its lustre,
that mellow, warm, red fire
by your new copper cleaner,
as you polished lustily yet placidly.
Oh, how you
 
A frit
A ~
 
Oh, how you frightened me..
I followed you all morning with my eyes
till all the world
formed in the shelter of your house.
You engulfed all domesticity
with your movements from stove to pantry /
cupboard.
But when I saw you set the cloth /
I fled
[LAC-1-1-97]
89.
Fled to the wind swept hills,
not to return.
Left you &and all passionless things
like meat &and suet pudding.
I ran &and let the wind
 
A run
A ~
 
blow thruthrough my hair.
&and thought of rivers turbulent in March
&and hurricanes &and poignant crocuses
with some mad frenzy clutching at my heart[]sic.
for you had frightened me.
 
A ~
D *
 
Reflections.
Wavery blue grey lines make a window;
a strange opaqueness is combined with the /
most transparent quality.
And, as I watch, bright dresses worn by the /
workers
 
A shines
B shine
 
through its transparency.
Further back there is a thickness which /
nothing can probe;
but yes, there is a desk, strong in its /
solidity,
defying thickness.
Wavery grey blue lines make a window
bounded by the walls it is set in.
[LAC-1-1-98]
90.
 
A ~
D *
 
Interlude.
My time for loving you is over,
Love has no future but to die.
Darling I love you so.
If you knew how my heart reacted
when you held me;
[If]sicif you knew how my senses quickened
when you kissed me.
Beloved, your lips have burned mine away.
So now not faithless am I
when others kiss me.
You have my lips in your heart;
you have my hands &and eyes;
they are not mine with loving you.
But now we part.
forever is the word I dare not use,
yet it hammers in my brain
and all love’s fierce sharp passion
has changed to a heavy weight,
that even I &and my proud head
can not hold up.
[LAC-1-1-99]
91.
 
A ~
C XII Wrote a Poem When We Loved
 
I wrote a poem when we loved
that captured all the sun
and all the trees &and all the bees
for you &and they were one.
I wrote a sonnet sharp with pain
when I loved on alone
a sonnet to bring back to me
that all our dreams had gone.
And then I wrote a dirge of death
to say my love had died,
&and so the sun, the bees &and trees
bowed down to my lost pride.
And as they did the memory
recaptured me again.
My pen upon the paper wrote
a sonnet sharp with pain.
 
A ~
D *
 
The Game.
Dusk –&and the lingering light was caught /
in the wood-fringed bowl of water.
I sat alone &and gazed upon it long –
[LAC-1-1-100]
92.
absorbing its reflections with my soul.
The [gramaphone]sicgramophone was playing in a corner of /
the dark
reminding me of
 
A this
B last
 
year’s love &and this year’s /
disappointment.
I had forgotten how the music sounded in this /
place;
had I but known I’d not have dared come /
onto the veranda.
At last a voice behind me, &and I turned /
expectantly.
We’re ready, chimed a chorus,
 
A come
B ~
 
 
A ,
B  in &
B ~
 
/
do your best.
My best, thought I, is done, I stood the test.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
C XIISomebody Walks Somewhere
 
Somebody walks somewhere
and I hear
his footsteps on the gravel of our walk.
This nearness of humanity
has made me lonely;
and I find my heart a frightened thing
trembling in its case.
The footsteps near
crunching &and then they stumble.
I raise my eyes
 
A from my book
B ~
 
[LAC-1-1-101]
93.
&and try to look
 
A expectant
B delighted.
 
 
A and delighted.
B ~
 
He says Hello &and takes the rocking chair
and talks of this &and that.
I answer him with anguish in my heart.
He then draws
 
A nearer
B closer
 
but I don’t respond
&and so he calls me cold,
and holds my hand
and looks at me with tender, soulful eyes.
He little knows that he could move me more
by walking on the gravel of our walk.
A Thought.
One of these days some man is going to love me,
love every slight shy glance,
every twinkling laugh
&and love every sad salt tear.
 I See Your Lips
I see your lips
I feel their touch;
oh dear, I miss you
much too much.
[LAC-1-1-102]
94.
I never knew
I ever should
 
A ore
A ~
 
or I’d have been good
when you were here.
This emptiness
just makes me see
how full our life
is meant to be.
Need.
You who have got a thousand moods to call to me
call now;
gently, this time, that I may see
call now.
Show me the broadest viewpoint –
no flashlight beam in the night,
show me the heavens flooded
with light.
You who have got a hundred moods to quiet even me
use them;
use every one, not [seperately]sicseparately
fuse them
[LAC-1-1-103]
95
into the strongest unit
that ever the world has known,
that I may later face life
alone.
A
 
A Leser
B Lesser
 
Universe.
In the breathless swoop of a sea [gulls]sicgull’s wing
I feel you near me,
soothing &and quiet.
In the flaming torch of a maple tree
I feel you near me,
enthusiastic.
You are a smaller world,
revolving in your own constellation
with many lesser stars
about you.
To compare you with aught but the earth,
the earth of a myriad moods,
is lack of comprehension,
lack of sensitiveness
to your inward fire,
your tempestuous moments
&and sudden calms.
[LAC-1-1-104]
96.
 Like a Meteor Lighting the Heavens
Like a meteor lighting the heavens
you hurtled through space to me,
&and I waited with rapturous longing
Tilltill you showed your face to me.
I waited alone in the darkness:
(The strength of such light disarms.)
Like a meteor too, I found you
burnt out
 
A hen
B when
 
you reached my arms.
Problem.
I’m frightened, dear, to love too much
yetYet scared to love too little.
 
A for
B And
 
tho’though I feel I’m young &and strong
 
A ~
B for
 
 
A They
B [They]sicthey
 
say that hearts are brittle.
 
A for
B And
 
if, my dear, my heart should break
 
A And
B or
B And
 
shatter, ere it ceases
I’ve other things to do in life
 
A t
B ~
 
Than stoop &and pick up pieces.
The Woman.
I knew a woman
 
A once
B ~
 
straight from Hell;
She’d lived &and loved &and not too well.
Her wings now fettered pinions were
[LAC-1-1-105]
97.
And she was dead. To that I’ll swear.
She moved &and talked like you &and I
 
A but
B But
 
never did I hear a cry
Escape those lips. I wondered how
 
A she
B She
 
kept the smoothness on her brow.
I knew a woman once – a shell.
She came not from this world, but Hell.
To Ashburn.
(just because I adore it so.)
Strange, but a night ago I could not sleep;
I lay &and watched the motor lights pass by
and trace their pale &and transient yellowness
upon the black walls of my room.
Then as I turned in one last wild attempt
to calm my heart &and head by counting sheep,
another car went by and in the dark
a flame glistened &and grew. A petal flame
of smouldering fire sprang from a copper jug,
and then went out. Quick as it came
my mind had left the room of sleeplessness.
Straight, like an arrow flying through the air,
the essential me had gone, swift
as a thought, &and found a harmony
deeper than
 
A words
B thoughts
 
or night or love.
An inner stillness came into my soul
[LAC-1-1-106]
98
as though a flower were growing in my heart
dissolving
 
A me
A my
 
unrest &and bringing me
a oneness with the world.
And thus I slept.
   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·· · ·
But with this sleep so deep &and so profound
no vagueness seemed to come;
rather a keener sense of things that are.
(And if you’d call it dreaming, call it so;
but I would call it living.)
I sat before the fire &and saw the jugs
dance in the flickering light
until the dusk, &and then I rose
and round the room I went
to all the things I loved &and lingered there,
feeling them more than seeing.
Then to a window. It was darker now
and the lingering light was caught
in the wood-fringed bowl of water.
 
A Then
B And
 
on I went, from room to room this time
absorbing with my soul the atmosphere
and memorizing every line &and curve.
‘Twas then I felt a fury in my breast,
a nearness, as of people
And thus I
 
A slept
B woke
 
 
A .
B ~
 
 
A ~
B .
 
[LAC-1-107]
99.
Meeting.
Straight from the clacking clamour
of life’s emptiness
you came to me –
a rabbit that was hurt.
The clamour seemed to think of you
yet cared not for your pain.
You came with that soft frightened look
half-hesitant &and nervous
&and trembled lest my coat
might show a knife.
Your first approach was slow, uncertain
and your speech had that same tone,
that still, sometimes, you use[.]sic
soft &and vibrating.
To be added to The
 
A Sp
A ~
 
Spangled Unicorn
Seaside Symphony.
Grey cows, the moon &and the small white doves
like little kid shoes.
Fire-escapes, the shrieks of smothered woman
and all the young rhinos in mud.
Oh alas only the young can tell
what the world is for.
[LAC-1-1-108]
100.
and they do not guess the value of their secret.
They keep it to themselves as they lollop
on the moss
like so many donkeys on the Portsmouth beach.
Poor Aunt Sophie &and the
 
A the
A ~
 
holiday spirit.
She always pulled out her plate with toffee
and we thought she was being so clever.
The myriad pebbles that
 
A I
A ~
 
cut your bare feet
have souls of their own longing for understanding
But
 
A w
A ~
 
all we think is Why hasn’t
 
A Bournemouth
B Porstsmouth
 
got sands?
 Succulent Sausages
Succulent sausages
all in a row
watch them soon go.
Ponderous people
stand in a row
watching them go;
busman &and milliner
hangman &and priest
gaze on the sausages,
mentally feast.
Meat-eating Christians –
blood-thirsty lot,
longing for sausages
[LAC-1-1-109]
101.
fried brown &and hot.
They would be longing for
red beef
 
A insta
A ~
 
instead
If they knew that this sausage
was not meat but bread.
-------------------
 Slanting Beams over My Head
Slanting beams over my head
and clay on a tressle table
 
A .
A ~
 
that was the atmosphere,
and I had worked hard all day.
I wore a smock of green,
my arms were bare up to the elbow
and all the time I talked &and bit my lip.
Then, [unexpectantly]sicunexpectedly, from down below
a voice – Can I come up?
and I relaxed &and answered yes.
My great friend, Marjorie
came running up the stairs –
a work-bag on her arm,
her hair in order.
She sat &and did neat hemstitching,
while I modelled a figure.
And as I worked I wondered at her life
[LAC-1-110]
102.
her neatness &and conventions.
She never read a poem
poignant with another’s feelings
nor looked at pictures that
expressed a soul.
She is a perfect person for a wife
I thought &and with one move
destroyed the work of
many many hours.
 Earth that I Love, Burst into Colour
Earth that I love, burst into colour,
draw from the rainbow its many shades.
Could I but have the four seasons together –
the snow as back groundbackground for the blazing flowers;
the trees some green, some maple red
and some a dusky orange.
Would that this earth
could burst herself this year
in riotous growing,
that thus my heart
could bathe itself in borrowed colour.
[LAC-1-1-111]
103.
To the Music of /
The Accent on Youth
You wrote a song,
I’ve kept it within my heart.
The Time is long dear,
since the Fates made us part
And now your song has lost its rhythm &and only the /
meaning’s there.
You wrote a song,
I kept it for years &and years
&and tho’though your song is spattered
&and marked with tears
the rhythm &and the meaning vanished one sacred /
moonlit night.
Another song
now hides in my thrilling breast
another love
has now found a place to rest
and though I can’t be true to two loves, I can be /
true to one –
[LAC-1-112]
104.
 Nonsense
We walked a mile &and tuppence
To the shrine of Old King Cole
And planted beds of hiccoughs
And ate our haddock WHOLE!
We talked with sun-burned horsemen
And found a rendezvous
for little inky rabbits
And a baby kangaroo.
Pain.
Your sorrow cries to me from every wall,
and I inhale it in the [the ]sicoutside air.
You have no secret hidden from this place
that you have loved &and lived in.
Every joy &and every piercing pain
has been absorbed by all the sticks &and stones
and corners of your home;
so tho’though I come for peace &and quiet &and beauty
the atmosphere will shriek to me of pain
and if I turn to you to rescue me
I’ll find it in the still depth of your eyes.
[LAC-1-1-113]
105.
XIIIWhy Do You Sigh Like the Slender Birch Tree
Why do you sigh like the slender birch tree
swinging in the breeze?
Why do you clasp your hands when we’re alone
seeking for release?
You, who in crowds walk with a gay abandon,
you, who in crowds talk with an easy grace
to all those near you, why when I am with you
do strained hands seek your face?
A movement sorrowful &and wearier than our pale moon
grieving in unpenetrable
 
A bul
A ~
 
blue.
You, who in crowds laugh as tho’though life were happy
When not in crowds half smile &and yet half cry.
When winter comes if you are still in torment,
be like the birch tree, shed all your leaves &and die.
.Sharp Thin Needles in My Face
Sharp thin needles in my face
and I love him;
sharp thin needles &and the moon
up above him.
The taste of the wind is bitter
Butbut the feel of the wind is fresh
Andand in the moonlight’s glitter
I wince as I touch his flesh.
[LAC-1-1-114]
106.
 
A ~
D [Dechacord]sicDecachord
 
.
 
A ~
D New Verse.
 
You were a Flame that Sprang into My Night
You were a flame that sprang into my night
making the skies take on a darker glow.
A trumpet call, poignant &and
 
A shill
A ~
 
that pierced my heart, armoured by many loves.
Invulnerable I was, I sang my song
of glittering metal – flung it on the air –
an air grown chill &and cold so that my song
clinked through it as through ice.
I had become akin to carrion crow
spiritually one with every morning cock;
shed from myself wherever I might pass
a steely blue hinting of [oft’]sicoft used swords.
I had known sorrow once, perhaps too well.
Sorrow a liquid thing had made me soft.
Then came a blow, the hardest blow of all
that hardened liquid sorrow into hate.
You were a flame that scorched my ice-bound heart
leaving a scar of white upon it there –
a period of loving, then you went.
Armoured &and moated now my heart is safe.
[LAC-1-1-115]
107.
The Grey &and Yellow Bird.
Your soft greyness &and warm yellow wings have left me –
left me because my heart froze over night.
It was your haven – warm once.
When first the wind crept in
you shivered &and hid your head,
that tufted golden head under a wing of grey.
I felt strange things were happening
but, in the detached way of youth
knew not I was involved.
I went on singing, swinging – unaware
of the nearness of migration.
But now &and then in my song
I would hear something strangely discordant;
and too, overhead, a
 
A dark
B ~
 
cloud would foregather &and /
pass.
Then last night the rude wind
broke down my defenses, my doors
&and the glass of my windows.
It whistled &and whined till the
 
A first
B ~
 
who was nearing, hearing [it’s]sicits sighs
hurried to numb it from pain.
My heart froze: my bird flew.
[LAC-1-1-116]
108.
Fragment.
Inconsequential tho’though this thought may be
I long to face a vast eternity
as we that night when looking at the lake
knew that at last our hearts could never break.
The Devil-man.
I have found a depth that has known my soul
and enveloped me close with night,
and my pale hands gleam in the single beam
of a
 
A sun
A ~
 
of a moon that is dim with fright.
I have found a cave that has welcomed me
by surrounding itself with moss
and my heart is still with a peace until
my devil-man sings of my loss.
Then I raise my eyes &and my eyeballs stretch
 
A And
B and
 
my soul cries out in [it’s]sicits pain
and I take my heart &and tear it apart
till my devil-man stops again.
[LAC-1-1-117]
109
The Doubter.
You may consider that I spend my time
on useless things – dreaming all day
and walking in the rain.
You may consider that I waste my voice
on idle songs, singing my way
through even sharpest pain.
But you – !
You could not know the beauty of a dream,
the rapture of the drinking earth
and being near when buds have birth,
so it would seem.
You could not know the rhythm of a song
 
A &
B of
 
notes suspended clear in air.
Oh! surely there is beauty there –
or am I wrong?
Pome
I cannot write a single thing!
I start with birds upon the wing
and find I end with soup.
Boop boop a doop.
The words are stuck inside the pen.
If you know how I hate the men-
tal strain of it when life
[LAC-1-1-118]
110
turns into strife.
Sensations grow inside my breast
&and tho’though I sit down fully dressed
my mind is still unclad.
I have gone mad.
The muse has left me so they say.
To come again another day?
Perhaps this may be so.
I do not know.
○○We Sang a Song, a Happy Song
We sang a song, a happy song
when through the autumn woods we walked that /
day.
It was a misty day, soft &and hazy
as tho’though the trees were draped in floating chiffon.
Then I would stop, &and halting in my song,
uncover toadstools pink, afraid &and naked.
Then on we’d go &and you’d say Feel this moss.
How soft &and thick it is. for years it must have /
grown here.
And I would look at you &and find no words
&and stumble on too tremulous for speaking.
Now there’s another toadstool, strawberry red
with just
 
A another
B  a tiny
 
quiver of it showing.
So down upon your hands &and knees you went
[LAC-1-119]
111
&and lifted soggy leaves until the whole
glowed like a lamp, alone &and passionate
I
 
A squelched
A ~
 
squashed a puff ball &and I watched /
the dust
[cinammon]siccinnamon coloured falling through the air,
then flicked the empty sack into the woods.
The world was quiet &and
 
A ~
B still &and
 
so we felt
 
A mingli
A ~
 
, united with this universe.
And raised our eyes &and didn’t even smile.
Humidity.
Damp flowers crushed by hot hands
with moist palms;
overhanging clouds
&and little drops of water on the glass.
God! I am stifled.
Please God, let me go!
The Statue.
You were in the morning light
and only silver saw you there;
I was standing in the night,
but night &and I both found you fair.
[LAC-1-1-120]
112
You were silent, lips apart,
rapturously aloof, alone;
but you touched my trembling heart.
Now all ugliness has flown
from this saddest of all lives,
one that’s known as melancholy
LINE MISSING
suddenly I saw the folly.
I renounced all solitude,
showed the sun my shrivelled heart.
Who’d have thought a silver nude
could have made me live for art?
Joy of Pain.
Within my heart there is a peace until
the wind howls &and the windows rattle loud.
Within my heart there is a peace until
the ducks
 
A sail
B fly
 
by – a brown &and feathered cloud;
or till a
 
A lake
B stream
 
turns silver,
or the trees have autumn hues,
or walking in the country
the light &and darkness fuse.
My heart is still &and quiet
[LAC-1-1-121]
113
till the light of crackling logs
reflects in burnished copper,
illumines shadowed dogs.
So quiet it is when Springtime
first dances on the trees –
such things as that don’t move it
but it is moved by these:
gay music in the
 
A morning
B evening
 
,
or bright
 
A ~
B coloured
 
striped china-ware,
mud-heavy boots in doorways
&and tousled wind-blown hair.
But I would sooner lose the peace
my heart possesses, than
become immune to things we loved
awaiting a new man.
 
A ~
C Insomnia
 
I cannot sleep tonight with loving you
&and thinking of that gentle way you had:
of how you taught me all the little things
about the birds:
 
A down
B Down
 
that lane you held my hand;
we walked so gaily singing as we went;
we thought life one long Spring. For you it is –
No more will Winter’s snows upon you fall,
no more will icy hills prevent your feet
from walking in your dear abandoned way.
[LAC-1-1-122]
114
I should be glad
but I’m afraid – oh God!
Has Cleopatra kissed your dusty eyes &and made them /
live?
or did you wake to lie in Helen’s arms?
I dare not think &and yet I cannot stop.
My lips will go on whispering the phrase
that may not reach you –
One day I shall come.
.It Did Not Matter What We Said
It did not matter what we said,
or what we did, or wore.
It did not matter what we ate,
or if we drank or swore.
for habits were such things apart
from
 
A et
A ~
 
our eternal soul.
And one &and all we worshipped art
entirely, as a whole.
But now that we are twice as old
with youth’s wild fervour spent,
we choose our hats with special care
and have a permanent,
and smile to see the modern youth
[LAC-1-1-123]
115
devote themselves to art
and laugh about their quest for truth.
Our minds are poles apart.
.Was It Tender? Was It Sad?
Was it tender? was it sad?
or weary? That soft way you had.
Was I foolish, too profound?
Searching for a deeper ground
than that we walked on?
Maybe so. Was I silly?
I don’t know.
Who can [analize]sicanalyze the past?
Time does hurry so. How fast
all our joys have hurried by
when you were you &and I was I.
The Small Room.
The din of a small room is mighty.
Mightier far than machinery.
The small boy turns papers of his book.
He moans &and kicks his feet
&and screams with temper,
What
 
A do
A ~
 
d’we want Latin for?
The man sits
 
A weerily
B wearily
 
in his chair,
[LAC-1-1-124]
116
yet not too weary to read aloud.
His voice rises &and falls
as he competes with his [sons]sicson’s screams.
She sits there, cutting cardboard,
flicking ash on the floor.
Even the noise of the ash is loud[.]sic
as it drops &and crumbles.
[It’s]sicIts crumbling brings the noise of decay
into a small room.
Relaxed, his head on his paws
the dog lies – his fleshy lips
raised. He snores,
 
A lip
A ~
 
his lips twitch.
The radio blares the news
then turns to jazz.
That is not all.
Sounds, half audible in the normal quiet
become intensified. The pencil wails
the scissors screech, a half dead fly
lies feebly on its back. [It’s]sicIts gentle buzz
is amplified &and deafening. And so it goes
till sound, that fiery, sharp-tongued demon
has branded deep, a pattern in my brain.
[LAC-1-1-125]
117
 
A ~
C The Drug.
 
This week I have been busy. Every day
has run into the next on wingèd feet,
but feet grown tired &and heavy in the race.
There was no single tic on time’s mad clock
that I could hold as mine. Each frenzied hour
bore me to other hours as wild &and full.
Only the night was given me for peace
to soothe my overworked
 
A machinery
B distracted
 
head,
before there crept another evil day
on toes of palest pink &and gentle dawn.
[indent] Today I
 
A walked
B waked
 
&and all the world was mine.
The fine-ground sunshine falling on the floor
I could relax in – stay! I’ll drink my fill.
There was no little thing that should be done.
I yawned a smile &and stretched myself from bed.
I walked all morning through the muddy woods
and smoked my cigarette right to the stub.
Then home for lunch – no hurried sandwich this –
a lazy meal from coloured linen mats.
[indent] This afternoon I called a friend of mine,
a special friend whom I’d not seen all week.
We walked &and talked &and sang &and then were quiet,
and laughed with joy at silly happy things
until it seemed that joy had too much pain
and that too strong a love was worse than none
[LAC-1-1-126]
118
by showing up the lesser loves as cold
and worthless things too trivial to keep.
It seemed to me that I had but one friend,
one friend worth calling friend, whose heart was /
whole.
And so I took to brooding through the night
on loneliness that vast eternity
that could be bridged by one &and only one.
I think my days are better when they’re full.
Two Make a Pair.
O dear Mamma, the daughter cried,
opening wide the door.
I’m on the phone[.]sic, the Ma replied.
Don’t worry me no more.
But Ma, I need some stockings now,
As quick as quick can be.
So if you please just tell me how
To find some pronto. See?
I’m talking to the grocer’s wife[]sic,
The mother whispered low.
Why Ethel dear, to save me life
I really wouldn’t know.
[LAC-1-1-127]
119
Each pair’s a hole, the daughter said,
As large as any sink.
Mamma said growing slightly red,
You’ll drive me to the drink!
Me darnin’ bag may hold a pair.
She points &and then in phone
Beg pardon. I just had a scare.
I’m leary when alone.
[LAC-1-1-128]
120
Depression.
Twenty years &and what to show?
Two red lips, a faithless beau;
massive girth; a case of books;
little in the way of looks;
a lot of hope &and some despair;
a longing for real raven hair;
a published poem; one love-letter;
a pair of shoulders which are better
for weeping on than wearing dresses;
an English voice which over-stresses
superlatives &and ejaculations;
little interest in the nations’
arguments &and threats of fighting;
two large hands forever lighting
cigarettes with ceaseless motion;
&and crazy longing for the ocean[]sic.
A hatred for tight shoulder straps –
and worst of all – I’m death in caps!
When twenty years have gone again
Will I have something more by then?
[LAC-1-1-129]
121
Fairy Story.
He held a full-blown rose
Neath’neath her retroussé nose
And sighed he would that he
Could share that quality
That caused his love to care
So much for scented air.
A fairy passing by
O’er heardO’erheard his ardent sigh
And changed him to the rose
Beneath his loved one’s nose.
He lasted but a day,
Died, and was thrown away.
 
A ~
C The Ghost.
 
Did you know her?
I can see
that you didn’t – intimately.
Did you see her?
Yes. You did.
But too seldom to get rid
of that fear that clutched your heart,
of that fear that made you start
when she drifted through a wall
straight from nowhere. Made you fall
[LAC-1-1-130]
122
shaking in a
 
A cove
A ~
 
cushioned chair
while she smoothed her windblown hair.
Had you known her you would see
her promise was eternity
&and happiness. She cast a spell
of hopefulness. Ah you could tell
she came from some far-distant spot
which knows not tears nor fear. Knows not
the bitterness of earth-bound life,
the weariness of constant strife.
Last time she came her gentle smile
was touched with softness all the while.
She talked to me &and held my hand
and tried to make me understand
this was not all. I was depressed
and most of all I wanted rest.
She kissed me as she shut the door.
But now – she’s gone. She comes no more.
Loneliness.
Now
 
A solitude is
B solitude’s
 
to help the soul
To soon expand &and grow
But loneliness I rather think’s
The soul’s Death Blow.
[LAC-1-1-131]
123
It eats the heart &and turns the face
Now hollow-eyed &and grey
To nothing but an aged mask
That once was gay.
Pretense
I sit at a table playing bridge
with a manner that’s cool &and bright
and I play my cards with intelligence.
There’s a jagged edge to my heart to-night.
The bridge is over, we sit &and talk
on subjects amusing &and light.
I chatter with ease &and I make them laugh.
There’s a jagged edge on my heart tonight.
I am driven home in a slinky car
and the moon above is white.
And I even smile as I
 
A shut the
A ~
 
say goodbye –
There’s a jagged edge on my heart tonight.
[LAC-1-1-132]
○○○Because You Go I Write This Song
Because you go I write this song
To cheer you on your way
&and tell you that I hope your trip’s
eventful, bright &and gay.
But in my heart of hearts I find
no song is lurking there –
only a mournful little dirge
set to a plaintive air.
 I’ve Written Rhymes and Songs and Verses
I’ve written rhymes &and songs &and verses,
splashed with ink &and muttered curses
every time I’ve pulled up roots,
trimmed with shears new budding shoots.
Times I’ve know when I have cried
kicked &and sobbed &and wished I’d died
when I’ve had to say goodbye
to people such as Bert &and Guy.
But when I said goodbye to you
casually I saw it through.
 
A Not one
B Without a
 
 
A sigh
B tear
 
or
 
A tear
B sigh
 
or moan.
Back to the house I went alone,
Talked of dresses, coats &and hats,
[LAC-1-1-133]
of my fear of dark-winged bats;
led my normal routine life
without a single curse. No strife
entered in our domicile.
Brother told me with a smile
I was lazy, had no pep.
Languidly I answered, Yep.
They’d understand, if they but knew
that
 
A ~
B all
 
my life left town with you.
 I’ve Known Anaemic Women
I’ve known anaemic women
&and I’ve known anaemic
 
A sights
A ~
 
men
but never in my course of seeing sights
have I known days become anaemic nights
until the time you flicked your casual ash
&and turned &and said My dear I’d better dash!
And then &and there, without much more ado,
you up &and went. I guess our love is through.
I See the Days Pass By When I Look Back
I see the days pass by when I look back
and every day was gladdened by your face.
Never an hour so dark you did not bring
Traces of sunshine seeping through the place.
[LAC-1-1-134]
Never a day, no never, as I think
was quite completely cast in sordid gloom.
for when I mused
 
A dejectc
A ~
 
dejectedly alone
I’d turn &and find you smiling in the room.
During the weary stretches of the night
Lying awake, alone, shrouded with sorrow
I’d sigh &and see upon the blackened walls
 
A in
A ~
 
Written in lights, the single word Tomorrow.
Thus for a year I have been carried on
from day to day, balancing on your smile.
Now you are gone. Each future dawn looks grey.
Life will be weary through each you-less mile.
ⓧⓧThe Stubborn Rain Relentlessly Beats Down
The stubborn rain relentlessly beats down
&and makes the shoots of sorrow in my heart
grow up again with that old sharp fierce pain
I thought had gone. Is there no peace?
And when a thing is dead, is that not so?
Does it lie hidden, screaming to be born
&and so awake refreshed, anew to torture me again.
Why should so slight a thing as Springtime’s rain
quicken the withered roots so long since dead?
And why must I be miserable once more
[LAC-1-1-135]
because some fool who thought my heart was light
&and who has been forgotten many years
should
 
A b
A ~
 
haunt me in the sound of Springtime’s tears.
|The Vastness of the World Caught at My Soul and Stretched it to a Film
The vastness of the world caught at my soul &and stretched /
it to a film.
It was so thin an idle thought could pierce it.
Lying relaxed I heard the worms a-crawling neath’neath /
the grass;
lying outstretched I heard the earth revolving &and the /
stars
twinkled with demon joy. Nothing too vast nor small
for my stretched soul to feel. Nothing [to]sictoo loud nor quiet.
Feebly I grasped for something to hold onto.
I was involved, enveloped by the abstract.
I sighed &and that soft sigh seemed like a howling wind /
sweeping the earth.
A myriad voices whispered in my ear tormenting me.
They said, The world is yours, you’re free, awake /
&and live.
I sighed again. This freedom is not all, I said,
‘I want a tie to bind my life to some accustomed /
course,
something so I can regulate my life – some deep /
refrain
[LAC-1-1-136]
beating within my soul &and ordering my life to this &and that.[]sic
I was a child. How little did I know that
 
A hes
A ~
 
he who’s /
free
is longing for a bond. And
 
A hes
A ~
 
he who’s tied longs for a quick /
release;
that there will be no peace within the soul
 
A so long as /
minds
A ~
 
 
A turn with
A ~
 
so long as minds turn with thoughts of freedom.
 A Memory’s a Hateful Thing
A memory’s a hateful thing
because it brings
smiles &and tears with every wind
or bird that sings.
Even the smallest thing –
the faintest smell,
brings to the mind the thought of days
and what befell.
So commonplace a thing –
an open fire,
the tree-tops swathed in gentle mist,
a church’s spire
will conjure up with vividness
the past’s delights
&and sorrows &and the memories
of starlit nights.
[LAC-1-1-137]
Jazz.
The [saxaphone’s]sicsaxophone’s wail caught the air.
Its barbed note clung there
jagged &and shrill
until
the [zylaphone’s]sicxylophone’s ringing round note
soared &and seemed to float
bouncing the hook.
It shook
&and fell. The air was herring-boned,
it curved &and it toned
with loudest Hell.
[its]sicit’s swell!
The [debutantes]sicdebutante’s lips smooth with joy
whispered to a boy.
He answered, Quite
alright.
The sun, above the jarring noise
rose with golden poise
changing the sight
of night.
The [debutantes]sicdebutante’s carmine lips said,
The [skies]sicsky’s become red.
Hell! it’s the sun,
let’s run.
[LAC-1-1-138]
Lines.
Lines, I said, dividing this &and that.
These lines which portion off
the things we want to keep,
shut in, hold back –
a walking-stick, a bowler hat;
a boundary line; then drunken sleep.
The things we want to lose
and those we want to keep.
A line of silver, a mere pencil line,
wavery, weak; yet terrible &and strong.
These boundaries which draw the line
Twixt right &and wrong,
sorrow &and joy.
These veils that close us in
 
A lik
A ~
 
chiffon tents,
translucent &and tormenting
yet stubborn like the rock
that holds together tenements,
then crumbles to decay,
yet doing so it holds a power –
the strength of lines &and veils
that keeps us in our corner,
tethered between our rails.
[LAC-1-1-139]
III Woke to See a Dawn – Tremulous, Soft
I woke to see a dawn – tremulous, soft –
saw with my being more than with my eyes
the earliness &and holiness of day.
But as I watched a hand fell on my heart
&and tears came to my eyes so sad I was.
I saw the sunrise – it was rainbow-hued –
saw with my eyes alone. My body now
became a Temple for my sorrowing heart.
I watched a birth but wept because of death
then tried to soothe myself by saying, Day
dies every night to be reborn at morn,
the flowers die every fall to bloom again in Spring
all, all must end before new birth can be.
But sorrow made me seem as one apart
from all my reasoning, from every thought.
From every thought but one – that you must go.
The sun had risen now &and it was day.
I stared &and then I quietly turned away.
IIIMist, Like Floating Chiffon, Swathed the World
Mist, like floating chiffon, swathed the world
&and swirled in eddies of unrest.
I raked cut grass that smelt of spring &and hope
[LAC-1-1-140]
a dope for a mind grown depressed.
The rhythmical movement made my arms
&and forms merge in a common beat.
Ancient dances on a village green
were seen to me. Bare were my feet.
A Bandage for the Surface Intrusion &and then Some.
(A reply to Surface Intrusion by M.P.H.)
Often in this world of changing fantasies &and dreams
one crashes, eyes aglare, upon bright lights
that stretch the eye ballseyeballs into flinty fossils,
changing all that’s seen into ice-bound
 
A sh
A ~
 
schemes
for knowing people better. There are nights
when chemical reactions will set in &and show
the chosen one a thing they did not know.
No more the eyes are fossils &and no more
the heart surrounded with a wall &and moat
is strong in its detached security.
But that is seldom &and the present shore
that people stand upon is treacherous. They /
gloat
&and say: Ha, ha, we know the thing she is,
a roundabout, a swing susceptible to /
breezes.
There is a hidden cave in every soul
[LAC-1-1-141]
where shrouded in the dark the spirit grows
matures &and oft gives easy birth to stronger thoughts
than these, that on the whole
perhaps may prove a weapon to one’s foes.
The thought is predecessor to the deed
&and only empty heads will ever need.
[indent] Once in this world of fantasies &and dreams
there was a time when e’en the warp &and woof
of each emotion was exposed to view,
&and thus it was that all those ice bound schemes
were put to use &and were a proof
of what the general horde considered queer
&and all but one or two stood back in fear.
[indent] There is a time for laughter &and for crying
there is a time for thoughtfulness &and song
(so taught the moon, that hazy saffron light.)
And wearily I say There’s need of much /
denying
the soul &and body in its normal course, so long
as fingers of the maples turn bloody in the fall.
That’s why I laugh in public through it all.
[LAC-1-1-142]
 
A ~
D 31
 
 
A ~
D Observer
 
The Moon-Child.
Pity the moon-child lost in
 
A fog
A ~
 
mist,
white flowers pinned in her dark black hair,
she who has walked on moon beams long
&and breathed only silvered air.
Pity the moon-child – pale face shining,
long
 
A f
A ~
 
slim fingers around her knees,
eyes like velvety deep dark caverns
lighted with stars of fire, for she’s
needful of moonbeams who was born
under the full [moons]sicmoon’s light,
of a mother wooed by a leprechaun
once on a silvery night.
Pity the moon-child now no trace
of moon-beams
 
A of
A ~
 
pierces the mist;
pity the moon-child sitting there,
her face by the moon unkist.
She who has caught the moon’s bright light
&and dressed herself in its sheen,
she who has danced to pipes of pan –
a beautiful silver queen.
Weep for the moon-child, hear her moan,
lost in the fog &and cold – alone.
-----------------
[LAC-1-1-143]
 I Knew Not Living Till You Came
I knew not living till you came
 
A With crinkly eyes
A ~
 
Nor realized the world was fair
That crocuses were like a flame.
I knew not living till you came
Nor knew the magic of your name
your sparkling eyes &and shining hair.
I knew not living till you came
Nor realized the world was fair.
 Stark and Strong
Stark &and strong the
 
A moosewoods
A ~
 
moosewood grows
Defying [youngs Spring]sicyoung Spring’s ugly moods
 
A It is not lovely like the
A ~
 
Her
 
A wild
A ~
 
strong
 
A wild
B harsh
 
winds, tempestuous snows
It is not lovely like the rose
 
A But
B ~
 
 
A blossoms
B buds
B ~
 
 
A alone in the trees
B ~
 
 
A ~
B But blossoms lonely through the woods.
 
Stark &and strong the moosewood grows
Defying young [Springs]sicSpring’s ugly moods.
[LAC-1-1-144]
NOTES ON STANZA FORM
[LAC-1-1-145]
NOTES ON METRE AND RHYME
[LAC-1-1-146]
NOTES ON RHYTHM AND METRE
[LAC-1-1-147]
NOTES ON THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL AND THE MERCHANT OF VENICE
[LAC-1-1-148]
NOTES ON THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL
[LAC-1-1-149]
NOTES ON THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL
[LAC-1-1-150]
NOTES ON THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL
[LAC-1-1-151]
NOTES ON THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL
[LAC-1-1-152]
 The Clock upon the Station Stands
 
A The clock
B ~
 
 
A is loud with hungry ticks
B ~
 
 
A ~
B The clock
 
 
A ~
B upon the
 
 
A ~
B landing
B station
 
 
A ~
B stands
 
Unconscious that
 
A our time is short
B it strikes our doom
 
.
One moment while he holds my hands.
The clock upon the
 
A landing
B station
 
stands
Unconsciously it breaks the bands
That
 
A hold
B bind
 
us close within the
 
A room
B gloom
 
.
The clock upon the
 
A landing
B station
 
stands
 
A Unconc
A ~
 
Unconscious that it strikes our doom.
 
A ~
D Tis thus I feel
 
NOTES ON THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL
[LAC-1-1-153]
To an Heiress. /
Symphony of Senses. /
Crisis: Sept. 21 Canadian Poetry Magazine
Light & Shade /
Domesticity: Harriet Munro – Chicago Sept. 21
 The Blackbird Sings upon the Bough
The blackbird sings upon the bough
The sky above is crystal blue
for joyous spring is present now
The blackbird sings upon the bough
The farmer’s working with his plough
But I can only think of you.
The blackbird sings upon the bough
The sky above is crystal blue.
---------
 You Never Knew that Night in May
You never knew that night in May
My heart was but a barren land.
 
A You didn’t know, I didn’t say
B I felt it was the simplest way
 
You never knew that night in May
There was no future though you stay
And kiss my lips &and hold my hand.
You never knew that night in May
My heart was but a barren land.
[LAC-1-1-154]
 She has Strength in Her Mind
She has strength in her mind
and a purpose
She has love in her heart
&and a song.
And though fate may be cruel
she bears it.
for the right in her life conquers wrong.
[marking]
Patsy /
Page
Patsy Page.
Patsy Page.
[LAC-1-1-155]
 
A ~
C Loneliness
 
 
A Yes solitude
A ~
 
 
A f
A ~
 
 
A is for the soul
A ~
 
 
A &and necessary too
A ~
 
 
A but loneliness – another thing
A ~
 
 
A ~
A Now solitude’s to help the soul
 
 
A ~
A To soar expand &and grow
 
 
A ~
A But loneliness I rather think’s
 
The soul’s Death Blow.
It eats the heart &and turns the face
 
A That’s
B Now
 
hollow eyed &and grey
To nothing but an aged mask
That once was gay.
 If He’d Told Me I’d Have Said
If he’d
 
A asked
B told
 
me I’d have said
Let me sock him on the head
With a pint of boiling lead.

Poetry Notebook 1 (P.K. Page Fonds, Box 1, Folder 1)

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Poetry Notebook 1 (P.K. Page Fonds, Box 1, Folder 1)
Note fair copies of largely unpublished poems, including approximately 70 poems written at age 17, 35 poems written at age 18 and 65 poems written at ages 19 and 20 13 pp. literary notes and poetry fragments at back of book, including inside back cover
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