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[LAC-1-1-1]
Pat Page.
Poetry.
[LAC-1-1-2]
Index.
The Hills in the Rain1.
 
A ~
D x
 
Winter
1.
Worry2.
The Change2
 
A ~
D x
 
Opinions
3
The Request3.
Her Heart is Aflame4
The Effects of Life4.
An Ode to Rain5.
The Sun6.
Why?6
Questions7.
Self. –7.
Cure for Mental Tiredness8.
[Ecstacy]sicEcstasy8.
 
A ~
D \
 
The Moth
9.
Regardless of Beauty9.
 
A ~
D \
 
On the Love of a Fool
9.
Blackness10.
To
 
A 
B E.M.C.
 
11.
 
A ~
D x
 
To a Friend
12.
Reflections and /
Impressions
12.
"13.
"14
[column break]
Reflections &and Impressions15-16.
Desire on Seeing the Ocean17.
Written During Exams18.
 
A ~
D |
 
Night. –
18.
Exuberance19.
Individuality20.
On Departure21.
Come21.
Discontent22.
Youth22.
Time23.
 
A ~
D x
 
Christ
24.
The Star. –24
 
A ~
D \
 
Age in Youth
25.
My Song26.
Daen27
The Woods are full of them28.
Failure29.
Ambition30
Loss31
Joke31.
[]sicYouth’s False Departure[]sic32
The Listener33
Heart Keep Still33.
Sacrifice34.
To T –35
[LAC-1-1-3]
Deception. –35.
Grey Hairs35.
 
A ~
D x
 
Melancholia
36.
Nature’s Creatures37.
Just for the Moment38.
38.
Why Feel?39.
Beauty. –39.
Illusions40
[Anthasian]sicAthanasian Creed40.
The Lighting of the Lamps41.
Reality42.
 
A ~
D x
 
 
A ~
B The Child
 
43
Regrets43.
Bitterness. –44.
Constancy44.
Good-byes45.
 
A ~
D x
 
[Astors]sicAsters in a Bowl
46.
A Conversation between E. St. V. M.Millay &and R B..Rupert Brooke after Death47.
Irony48
Injustice49.
Night49.
Unloved50
A Discovery50
The Old Rectory51.
To Lady Lilian53.
The Soldier54.
[column break]
 
A ~
D \
 
Aftermath
54.
The Cry of the Over-Sexed55.
 
A ~
D \
 
Two Homes
57
On Discussing CCanada with Ethe English58
The Sacrament. – 59
The Change59.
 
A ~
D x
 
To Violet
60.
Calgary Faces61.
62.
Why?62
Instability63.
The Only Way63.
A Face64.
Hat Consciousness64.
65
Atmospherical. – 65
 
A ~
D \
 
I Bring Pale Flowers
66.
Your Mind.67.
Telephones. 67.
68.
Temptation69
A Symphony of the Senses.69
Goodbye70
The Idiot72
73
73.
Light &and Shade. –75.
[LAC-1-1-4]
Surroundings. 76.
Crisis77.
[Prolongued]sicProlonged Crisis77.
The Dance78.
79
79.
The Prophet80.
81.
Fear. 81.
Love!82.
83
83.
Spring. 84
85.
My Mind. 85.
It’s the Gypsy in Me86
Compensation. 86
Surrender. 87
Domesticity87.
Reflections. 89
Interlude. 90
91
The Game. 91
92.
A Thought. 93
93.
Need94.
[column break]
A Lesser Universe95.
96
Problem96
The Woman96.
To Ashburn97
Meeting99.
Seaside Symphony99.
[]sic100
 
A ~
B 101
 
 
A ~
B 102
 
 
A ~
B 103
 
 
A ~
B Nonsense
 
 
A ~
B 104
 
 
A ~
B Pain
 
 
A ~
B 104
 
 
A ~
B 105
 
 
A ~
B 105
 
 
A ~
B 106
 
 
A ~
B The Grey &and Yellow Bird.
 
 
A ~
B 107
 
 
A ~
B Fragment
 
 
A ~
B 108
 
 
A ~
B 108
 
 
A ~
B 109
 
 
A ~
B 109
 
 
A ~
B 110
 
 
A ~
B Humidity
 
 
A ~
B 111
 
 
A ~
B The Statue
 
 
A ~
B 111
 
 
A ~
B Joy of Pain
 
 
A ~
B 112
 
 
A ~
B Insomnia
 
 
A ~
B 113
 
 
A ~
B 114
 
 
A ~
B 115
 
[LAC-1-1-5]
 
A ~
B The Small Room
 
 
A ~
B 115.
 
 
A ~
B The Drug.
 
 
A ~
B 117
 
 
A ~
B Two Make a Pair
 
 
A ~
B 118
 
 
A ~
B Depression.
 
 
A ~
B  120
 
 
A ~
B Fairy Story
 
 
A ~
B 121
 
 
A ~
B The Ghost.
 
 
A ~
B 121
 
 
A ~
B Loneliness
 
 
A ~
B 122
 
 
A ~
B Pretense
 
 
A ~
B 123
 
[LAC-1-1-6]
Seventeen.
[LAC-1-1-7]
1
The Hills in the Rain.
Oh I love the
 
A desolateness
B desolation
B desolateness
 
of the hills,
And the lonesome feel of the rushing wind;
I love
 
A this
B the
 
rain, which softly fills
The heart of me
 
A ~
B &and
B ~
 
with a glorious kind
Of happiness, too deep for words;
And I love to feel I’ve left the town behind,
And to know that all the horses
 
A ~
B beasts
B ~
 
&and birds
Are one with me
 
A ~
B there
B ~
 
in spirit and
 
A ~
B in
B ~
 
mind.
That’s why I love the hills in the rain,
They bring only peacefulness, cure mental /
pain.
 
A ~
D 
 
Winter.
And it was winter –
The weather was cold,
The wind, it was biting.
The people looked old,
All grey were their faces
And wrinkled with care;
Their hands were blue-fingered,
And white was their hair.
Oh, winter, I hate it,
[LAC-1-1-8]
2.
With wind &and with snow
And frost on the windows
And 20 below.
Worry.
Her
 
A wearn
A weary
 
mind, engulfed with dread
Was to her intimates, as dead.
Her very soul, her very heart
Were in a cage &and dared not part.
for worry in its worst degree
Had just obsessed her bodily.
The Change
I lived in the town, Depression,
And I lived in the house, Despair,
When I came home in the evening
I knew Sorrow was waiting there.
Joy always went out to parties
 
A With
A ~
 
And took Smiles as a chaperone,
But Frowns would be always with me
With a dull, sad note in her tone.
Discontent would sit by the fireside
And tell all the tales that he knew.
[LAC-1-1-9]
3
Often Moods would come in to see me
And Discontent used to come too.
Delight would go in the morning
And would never come back till night[]sic.
Old Madness used to torment me
And often be followed by Fright.
Till one day Discontent took me with her
And I danced with Youth for awhile
Then Discontent came gently &and taught me
That Life was at least worth a /
smile.
 
A ~
D 
 
Opinions.
And God, they said, is here &and there,
And God is every where.
But God, thought I, between clenched teeth,
Is tearing out my hair.
The Request.
Oh give me youth and love &and fire,
And the joy of the life I’m living.
And meet me under yonder brier
And give me that worth giving.
[LAC-1-1-10]
 
A 6
D 4.
 
Oh give me love, I pray of you,
My heart is hard &and cold,
And show me that the skies are blue
And that I am not old!
Her Heart is Aflame.
She has made her choice
Though she does not say it
Her heart is aflame
Yet her lips are mute
She hides her impatience
But her eyes betray it
Her heart is aflame
Yet her lips are mute.
The Effects of Life.
With tempests in and tempests out
And trouble all about
And fury in the wind,
I feel that I have sinned,
That somehow life is not quite right
And love is not too smooth
That even the sun is a bit too bright
for it hurts your eyes
With the dazzling sight
[LAC-1-1-11]
5
And that death, alone, can soothe.
But then the strength of the hills was mine
for I walked on the hills undaunted,
And even the blood-red banner of love
I laughed at, mocked &and flaunted.
An Ode to Rain.
If it were not for the rain,
that sleet-grey something
with its soothing powers,
that cool refreshing sense of
sombreness,
the world would be a hectic place
in which to live.
The orange sun
 
A w
A ~
 
would produce a mental fever,
whole nations would go mad
with the fieriness
and red-orange glow.
Minds would dry up
with discouragement
and the heat, crowds
and giddiness of life
would be unbearable.
Thank God for rain!
[LAC-1-1-12]
6
The Sun.
The sun-god is a hungry god,
he kills the flowers
with everlasting heat;
he exhausts the nations
and sucks up the moisture
that goes to make life liveable.
Why?
Why do you cry that the world is grey
 
A ?
B ,
 
That love never
 
A shatters
B taps on
 
your window-pane?
Why do you cry that life is old,
That sympathy stifles, fate is bold?
Why do you cry that the world is grey?
for spring, half heaven is here again.
Why do you say that the river is deep,
That God is relentless &and black is the sun?
Why do you say that beauty has left,
That cleverness sickens &and you are bereft?
 
A ~
B Why do you say that the river is deep
 
for a world of flowers has just begun.
[LAC-1-1-13]
7.
Questions.
Is there heaven? we cry, or only Hell,
 
A 
B ~
 
Is there happiness, subtlety, only pain?
We moan, we sigh, we buy &and we sell
And start all over &and try again.
“Are there real ghosts &and what is the sun?
Why is life cruel &and what are our goals?
[Purety]sicPurity, cleverness, passion – or none –
Are we alive or only our souls?
Why do we eat? To keep us alive?
Do we want to live
 
A or
B on
 
only to die?
Life is uncertain; we’re bees in a hive –
Why think &and be clever?
 
A Just
B just
 
suffer – but why?[]sic
Self.
Oh to get away from oneself,
To forget that self even exists,
To live in the realms of others
On geometrical angles &and twists.
To forget that one’s head is a-throbbing
And to think all realities, mists.
[LAC-1-1-14]
8.
But Fate is not as we’d like it,
These dreams of life haven’t come yet,
Oh, to get into oneself –
To get in and then –
 
A 
B ~
 
just
 
A ~
B to
 
forget!
Cure for Mental Tiredness.
If ever you have time to face
The cool tranquilities of space
Recline and
 
A kep
A ~
 
keep your mind at rest
for that, alone, I find is best.
[Ecstacy]sicEcstasy.
A wind blew over the hill,
It chilled the new green grass;
The sun was covered by clouds
for I saw no shadows pass.
It was cold and bleak and grey,
Yet it filled me with delight,
for the [ecstacy]sicecstasy of being alone
Made the earth and me unite.
I sat on the ground and I sang to the sky
I filled my lungs with the cold, clear air.
Why was I happy? I don’t know why
 
A .
B ;
 
[LAC-1-1-15]
9.
But I know that the wind tied knots in my hair.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
B 
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D (accepted & printed by The Observer Dec. 2 34)
 
The Moth
I caught a moth,
A silver moth
That fluttered in my hair;
And when I peeped within my hand
I found
 
A just
B but
 
star-dust there.
Regardless of Beauty.
A man and a moon and a mountain;
A night of stillness and song;
The wind in the flowers and a fountain;
Yet Life seems to struggle along.
 
A ~
D 
 
On the Love of a Fool.
Ah! yes my mind is empty,
Do I pretend aught else?
And true, my eyes are sightless,
And my young soul rebels.
My lips are often wordless,
My ears hear little, too
Yet, somehow my whole being
Pulsates with love for you.
[LAC-1-1-16]
10
They say my hands are useless,
My heart is in its prime,
And that my ways are foolish.
Oh! is it not a crime,
That I, who am so
 
A helper
A ~
 
helpless,
So feeble and so blind,
Should concentrate so much on you
That Youth is left behind?
Blackness.
There is blackness all around me,
Blacker than the deepest night,
Mental anguish; thoughts surround me,
Tear me, pull me, press me, hound
 
A ;
B me,
 
And the beating of my pulses
Is as horses all a-
 
A frighty
B fright
 
.
And my eyes are full of longing,
Full of eager, anxious looks,
And the feelings that are thronging
Do not seem to me belonging,
for they’re fierce and wild &and fearless
Like the ravens and the rooks.
And my blood that once was crazy
With a fervid, heated force,
[LAC-1-1-17]
11.
Acts as though it now were lazy,
And all nights seem slightly hazy
Due to unexpressed emotions;
And my life is all remorse.
To E.M.C.
When you wandered over the hills,
Those grey-green hills with me,
And we laughed and ran
And then fell down, exhausted utterly.
When we spoke of sacred things
And smelled the damp moist earth,
Yet were inclined to scoff
At the God that gave them birth.
When the sun was going down
And the dusk was just beginning
The stifled feel in our throats
Made us feel that we were sinning.
Yet we cared not, and we feared
for Youth is rash at times
And we thought of naught but ourselves
And longed for tropical climes,
for the wind was getting up
And our sense of peace was gone.
Oh Youth is a beautiful thing,
or seems so when it is done.
[LAC-1-1-18]
12.
 
A ~
D X
D 
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A To a Friend
C Beauty
 
.
Have you noticed the beauty yonder,
Above the mountains’ crest?
Yes it is best, it is best.
Much more is it lovely than diamonds are,
Oh gaze not at earth, but up higher, afar,
for the dreams of a maiden are caught in /
a net
And the hands that
 
A carresed
B caressed
 
them are dewy /
and wet.
Oh gaze, gaze up yonder,
Beyond that pale star,
At the dreams of a maiden,
Oh yes, that they are.
Look deeply, yet tenderly, lest you forget
They are dreams of a maiden all caught /
in a net
Reflections &and Impressions.
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
I.Take in Your Hands
Take in your hands
The silvery sands.
Let it drift through your fingers
[LAC-1-1-19]
13.
And onto the ground.
Catch in your eyes
The light of the skies,
And while it yet lingers
Gain beauty profound.
 
A ~
D 
 
II.Hers was a Pale Face
Hers was a pale face
Of luminous tints,
Grey-green eyes,
Scarlet lips.
Hers was a pale face.
Jet-black hair with pea-
Cock blue lights and straight
Black brows and
Long lashes.
Hers was a pale face
Of luminous tints.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D \
D 
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A III
C An Impression
 
A queer and morbid creature
With sleepy, half-shut eyes,
Oh! but her hands,
Long, white and slender
Like moonbeams on the quiet water,
[LAC-1-1-20]
14.
And finely-pencilled brows
And a mouth dangerously tender.
IV.Youth!
Youth!
Do not ask her age.
She is Youth.
Her mind and personality
Counteract her grey hairs
Which are [beautifically]sicbeatifically silver
Like the clear ring of a small
Shining bell.
The slender curves of her figure,
Her swinging, care-free walk
Make her a goddess in Hell.
VWizened, with a Face Like an
Wizened, with a face like an
Old rotten apple;
Little black eyes
And rounded back.
Only an apple with a sound heart
Could last so long.
[LAC-1-1-21]
15.
 
A ~
D 
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
VI
 
A ~
C Ph
C ~
 
 
A ~
C Fantasy
 
Elfin, sprite of the woods,
Bring your pipe and come.
Let the peaceful,
 
A s
A ~
 
blue smoke
Writhe and twist around
Your ugly face,
Smile at it,
Laugh at life.
Oh Elfin, sprite of the woods,
Twist your legs around yonder bluebell
And wear the bells as little
Blue hoods.
VIIIYour hands!
Your hands!
So hard, yet soft.
They seem like smooth pebbles
In the light of a crystal moon.
Too true.
 
A ~
D [marking]
 
VIIIYours is This Last Summer
Yours is this last summer.
Your
 
A auurn
B auburn
 
hair soon will blend
With the autumnal tints of the trees[]sic.
[LAC-1-1-22]
 
A 
D 16
 
Let your heart rejoice, it must spend
Its days with the soft drone of the bees.
Take unto yourself all the beauty
And cast aside worry and care.
Live, for this is your last summer,
And let me live in the light of your hair.
IX“Ha, Ha – I am All-Glorious,” She Cries
Ha, ha – I am all-glorious, she cries,
My eyes are shining
And my hair, my beautiful hair
Is brushed and glowing.
My skin is perfect
And my lips are red!
Yes – all true;
But
 
A shes
B she
 
knows not
That her face lacks expression
That her
 
A hearts
B heart
 
That her heart lacks love.
XYou Would Recognize Her Shadow
You would recognize her shadow
for the atmosphere it has,
You would know, at once, her grave,
Long after she were dead;
[LAC-1-1-23]
17
And her funny, grating voice
Is as music in the head.
You know it when she thinks of you,
And understand her meaning.
You would recognize her too,
By the love that issues forth
And her never-failing sympathy
Like a south wind rushing north
To melt the frosty icicles &and get the snow away.
Oh you couldn’t help but know her
As her smile is always gay.
Desire on Seeing the Ocean.
I long to dive into your aquamarine /
depths,
To cleave your freshness with my body;
To feel the rushing of your waters
On my back and breasts and forehead,
And to know
That you have risen just a fraction
Through my energy.
[LAC-1-1-24]
18
Written During Exams.
Those who are made of sterner stuff
Can concentrate.
Those who are made of sterner stuff
Can sit up late;
Can drill equations in their brain
And bear up under all the strain.
Their minds are full with history dates
And latin prose,
And chem. result, taxation rates,
Oh goodness knows!
They do not fret nor worry, yet
 
A Why
A ~
 
No need to, for the marks they’ll get
Are high and glowing: how we hate
Those people who can concentrate.
 
A ~
D 
 
Night.
The night soothed my brain &and the wind cooled /
my face,
The light of the stars,
The light of the moon,
The light of the stars and the peace of the place
Brought terrible pictures
Of night-maresnightmares and things
That hadn’t existed.
[LAC-1-1-25]
19.
And birds with soft
 
A winds
B wings
 
Flew past my body &and into the dark.
The pictures grew vivid,
The contrast intense
And the light of the stars seemed to sicken my /
sense.
I left the place knowing
That nothing was right;
And the light of the stars
Was even too bright.
Exuberance.
And so we left
And there was weeping,
Yes, weeping in the marble stair.
They are bereft
While we are sweeping
The glorious passages of air.
We leap, and twist
Our hair with roses,
And sprinkle star-dust in our eyes,
And through the mist
Our heart reposes
Upon the splendorsplendour of the skies.
[LAC-1-1-26]
20.
We sing &and sway
To fairies’ laughter
And naked, run through leafy bowers.
We meet the day
And ever after
forget the passing of the hours.
Individuality.
I love the leafy stillnesses,
The swishing of the wind,
The swirling of the river,
The rushing of the river
And the town left miles behind.
I love the lengthy silences
That speak in times forgotten,
Which none can understand but me
Which none can even hear but me
And the smell of wood all rotten.
I love grey skies above my head
And moss beneath my feet
And Nature breathing everywhere
And Nature breathing everywhere
Oh life it is complete[]sic.
[LAC-1-1-27]
21.
On Departure.
Return with your heart full of love,
Your arms full of flowers,
Your lips full of singing
And your eyes full of joy,
for I am old with the trials
Of this world. My heart needs refreshing
With the delicious cleanness of Youth.
Come.
O come with me over the hill tops
And climb up the moon’s pale rays
O come, with bare feet &and hair flowing
Where wild flowers &and grasses are growing
And the sky is
 
A a
B ~
 
deep blue up above
And elfins cavort &and sing praise
O come, &and your heart will be loving
Your mind will be free from all care,
And dew, with a beautiful sparkle
Will rest on your hands, &and your hair.
Your lips, they will open with gladness,
Your eyes, they will glisten with love
And only the heavens will know it,
The glorious splendours above.
[LAC-1-1-28]
22.
Discontent.
There was the hush of the morning
And a soft breeze stirring the flowers;
There was the day just dawning
And nothing but long, still hours;
There was the rippling river,
The peacefulness, mountains &and trees
When I thought to myself, for ever
One’s heart can want naught but these.
The summer was long &and dusty
And the autumn was bleak &and bare
When I thought to myself, Why, Beauty
Cannot be found everywhere.
My breast was just beaten with sorrow
My mind was distorted with pain
When I thought to myself “I’ll borrow
Love, and be happy again.[]sic
Youth.
The human side of nature is divine
The harsher side is horrid &and uncouth,
How strange, that through this searching /
soul of mine
I cling with longing to Eternal Youth.
[LAC-1-1-29]
23.
Time.
We, who have spent our lives
As only children can,
Conquering fears &and singing all the day,
Playing with flowers but throwing grass /
away,
Playing with mud as woman plays with /
man.
We, who have spent our
 
A years
B youth
 
In Nature’s sheltered bowers,
Clung to the beautiful, as something /
that was ours,
When we are faced with life, filth &and /
reality
When we are faced with love, Hell &and /
humility
We are amazed, frightened &and horrified,
Constantly mystified, constantly /
terrified.
Until a few short years have passed.
 
A for
A ~
 
Time changes every thing at last.
[LAC-1-1-30]
24.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
D ~
 
 
A ~
D 
D ~
 
Christ.
Over the earth &and over the river
I’m known to man as the greatest giver;
But I have crumbled Death in my hand,
Which only the Prophets understand.
And the soul stands still
And the heart, asunder,
Beats monotonously, like thunder;
And crowds forgather
And then they pass
And, naked, I stretch
On the cool, green grass,
Then open my hand to look for
 
A death
B Death
 
,
But lo, [its]sicit’s gone as I draw new breath.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
C The Star
 
 
A ~
D \
D 
 
The very essence of your heart was mine;
I bathed in it &and it suffused my being.
It bore me onward to the golden shrine
Whereat I worshipped you, until, at last, /
unseeing
I ventured from the radiant light of you
Into the night, alone, my heart, alone,
Clambered o’er rocks &and from the sight of you
[LAC-1-1-31]
25
Guided by love &and feelings too well known.
It was pitch black; I felt victorious –
Until I saw one iridescent star
That shone &and winked at me, it was all-/
glorious.
Your beauty paled, you seemed to me, afar.
Your lips were passionless, your eyes, /
lack-lustre
You could not equal such illustrious light,
And then I knew – I knew my soul must /
muster
An ill-spent strength &and banish you that /
night.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D \
D ~
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Age in Youth.
I am old to-day;
my soul has lost its freshness.
I am old &and tired
With a pain where my heart should be;
but my stupid face
smiles &and pretends [its]sicit’s happy
and my lips they move
and laugh at eternity.
Oh! when will they learn,
these people, always with me,
That I am sad
[LAC-1-1-32]
26.
and
 
A can’t bear
B hate
 
their continual noise?
 
A God
B No
 
! I want peace
 
A [And]sicand
B and
 
the piercing quiet of nature
and the dark, moist earth,
instead of their petty joys.
Ah God! are they shallow?
or am I just embittered
 
A B
A ~
 
by a gnawing pain
where a rapturous heart should be?
My Song.
I sang of love
The poets chaffed
And when I sang of God
They laughed.
I sang of hope
And not despair
The poets then
All tore their hair.
I went to them
And said, Ah you,
You write of all
Those beauties too,
[LAC-1-1-33]
27.
Why then? A song
Is much the same
[Its]sicit’s merely called
A different name.
They said Our rhymes
Are always flat
They speak not truth
In tones like that.
We cannot have
Such pure, true notes
Come forth with lies
From singing throats.
Daen.
A sun-lit face,
Whose very lines give forth a golden-glow;
A clear blue eye
That meets the world in terms of Yes or No.
A long red mouth
So passionate, yet with a tender bow;
A fine large nose
And curling hair as white as driven snow.
A figure, lithe
[LAC-1-1-34]
28.
And active –
 
A sli
A ~
 
so slim, so supple too
And bare brown legs
That doubtless were only made for you
Brown useful hands
So sensitive, as if just bathed in dew
 
A Oh
B ~
 
you’re so graceful &and so charming
So witty &and disarming
The Woods are Full of Them.
You ask me if I love you,
You say it means your life.
But others have before you
And they have each a wife.
You say I’m inspiration,
That I’m your breath &and food;
But better ones come later
Better &and twice as good.
I’m not your inspiration.
Don’t wince, it is a fact.
[Its]sicIt’s merely empty passion
That drives you to this act.
[LAC-1-1-35]
29.
Such empty childish passion –
I’ve seen it all before.
forget me for a month or two
And there’ll be plenty more.
Failure.
I said that I was better
As a writer than a wife
And though I’ve my profession
I have sacrificed my life.
I said that I was better
As a poet than a cook.
And thus I cast love from me
With a forced, yet icy look.
·      ·      ·      ·· · ·
But
 
A now
B since
 
my heart is empty
It is all in vain I try
To flourish as
 
A I
A ~
 
a writer
Now that [Ive]sicI’ve let love pass by
[LAC-1-1-36]
30
Ambition.
It was you who gave me the courage
To look people straight in the face,
And strange, it was you who induced me
To step up &and sit in your place.
Oh! creature elusive and lovely
You ran from my grasp and up higher
You painted the mountains with snows
Yet you painted the sun with red fire.
I scrambled to catch you in vain,
for you slid down a ray to the ground
And under the caverns of man
You explored countless treasures unfound.
Then with hands still pure white with the /
truth
You sped up the mountains again
I followed you always with longing
Though tortured with anguish &and pain
Ah fairy! What else could you be?
You placed me at last by your side
On the pinnacles Truth, Faith &and Fame.
Then you just sat down quietly &and died.
[LAC-1-1-37]
31
To be added to The Spangled /
Unicorn.
Loss.
I’ve got a mammy with a heart of gold.
Please don’t scold
A heart of gold
Hardened now &and cold.
She lost a baby &and a [nickle]sicnickel at the zoo
The baby didn’t matter – we still have two
But the [nickle]sicnickel – Hell
 
A [Its]sicIt
B It
 
means – oh well –
 
A It means
B ~
 
 
A no
B [no]sicNo
 
new tooth brush
or pink pair of pants
or a glorious ticket
for the cowboy dance.
Alack alack a day
I’ll have to find a cowboy
To pay my way.
Joke.
Ursula! my beauty-maiden.
Name just like a juicy pair
Ur – shu – lah
[LAC-1-1-38]
32.
Dining-car.
Church bazaar.
Ask me where
my beauty maiden goes
when the great god snows,
and the nights are dark
I know where.
Down in the basement
to make a Noah’s ark.
Ur – shu – lah.
Russian Czar.
Boozing bar.
Ha! Ha! ha!
Youth’s False Departure.
Look on this day, when
 
A uth
B Youth
 
 
A ha
A ~
 
is left behind
Not as a dreary one, a weary one
Let your troubles play with him,
Cast them all away with him.
Think not that your beauty is now hard to find.
Beauty in the old is
 
A more
B less
 
rare than in the young;
Harsh lines soften, often, often.
Youth admires the beautiful, he will not depart
You will find him lurking in the corners of your /
heart.
[LAC-1-1-39]
33
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
The Listener.
Into the silent woods I walked,
Unhappy with dead yesterdays
I sat &and with my spirit talked,
Alas! – my world just fell apart.
The air was heavy as my heart.
The past! the past! I cried in vain,
Oh! how relentless is the pain.
I thought my sobs fell all unheard
But ah God, no – there piped a bird.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D X
 
 
A ~
D X
 
Heart Keep Still.
Only the moon, that slender crescent
Peeping above the roof:
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B ’tis
 
only the moon.
Only the rain, so soft, grey-fingered
Pattering on the glass:
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B ’tis
 
only the rain.
Only the wind, yes, whistling, whining,
Playing among
 
A thes
A ~
 
the pines:
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B ’tis
 
only the wind.
[LAC-1-1-40]
34
Only a thought of cherished moments
Flickering in my mind.
Heart, keep still,
 
A [its]sicit’s
B [tis]sic’tis
 
only a thought.
Heart, keep still!
Sacrifice.
If I did truly love you,
I’d be content
To let you go &and leave you,
Not resent
The age-long silences
Repeating pain
Where, once, the accents of your
Voice were rain
To me, so thirsty.
If I did truly love you
This would be
The very greatest joy
Permitted me.
Your pleasure would come first
Before my woe
I’ve thought, &and now Yes darling
You may go.
I will stay thirsty.
[LAC-1-1-41]
35.
To – T.
Just once or twice in a lifetime
Does a fresh breeze blow in our face
And we choose not the time or the place.
It comes when we least expect it,
It comes – oh we know not when.
And it fills our hearts with gladness
That is not often felt by men.
Deception.
Why are we foolish?
Why are we gay?
Oh God! why do we say
Love is a venture,
Life is a song
And Love will bear us along.?
Our song’s
 
A depe
A ~
 
deceptive &and flat
for life’s not really like that.
Grey Hairs.
(written for a skit.)
Grey hairs – you are my attraction,
Grey hairs – drive me to distraction.
Three, no four, delightful people now
Have won me with their smiles
[LAC-1-1-42]
36.
And the grey upon their brow.
My God! how do you do it?
You are putting me through it
Causing me anguish,
Yes, &and remorse[]sic.
Oh how you capture
With your subtle force!
Please go – leave my heart with me
I know I am alive
Oh how, how I do strive
To escape those grey hairs
Flocking in pairs.
How do you do it?
Stop for a minute
Let me have breath.
Grey hairs,
 
A y
A ~
 
others aren’t in it.
Grey hairs, you’ll be my death.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Melancholia.
My long-awaited solitude has gone –
Gone with the first leaf’s fall,
The first grey mist.
Only the twittering notes of a sparrow’s /
call
Tell me that life goes on
[LAC-1-1-43]
37.
The long, white road
That winds in quiet aloofness
Up the hill
Speaks in tones forgotten
And untuned
Of dusty wayfarers
And carefree souls.
And then I turn
And light a cigarette
And lift the cold receiver from the phone
And know that solitude
Is not for me just yet
Though I may long &and long to be alone.
Nature’s Creatures
Tanned skin –
Yours is so golden!
Red lips –
Beautifully molden.
Blue eyes
With such a twinkle
Smooth skin
Never a wrinkle.
Ah! Nature! Why make such creatures
With such all-glorious features[]sic?
They hold my heart &and my soul
[LAC-1-1-44]
38
In fact they capture my whole.
Just for the Moment.
Just for the moment
My heart is aflame
And my eyes are seeking the Stars.
Just for the moment
I mutter a name
And gaze upon Saturn &and Mars.
Just for
 
A a
A ~
 
the moment
I cry in the night
And clutch at the sheets of the bed.
I fall in the flight
And rise with a pain in my head.
 When I Think of You Who Meant All to Me
When I think of you who meant all to me,
All, my life, my love;
When I think of how you would call to me,
Call to me, from above.
To you it meant nothing, I realize now
But those calls to me were divine.
I sometimes wonder &and ask myself how
Devotion could act just like wine.
[LAC-1-1-45]
39.
Then I think of your eyes so tender, dear[.]sic
So tender &and oh! so kind.
Then I think how your words could render, dear,
Storms in this narrow mind.
It’s queer how you’ve changed from a /
glorious god
To a being less near than a brother[]sic.
It’s queer what even on humble sod
One sex can do to another.
Why Feel?
It was a dull &and gloomy day,
The sky was grey above;
The trees all swayed &and moaned &and /
wailed
But life was full of love.
It’s queer, how, when the weather’s /
wet,
How, when the skies are grey
Most people don’t feel sad, &and yet
Why feel? [I]sicIt doesn’t pay.
Beauty.
Beauty is so poignant
It hurts, ah God! it hurts.
How can we bear to sit &and stare
[LAC-1-1-46]
40
At a sunset golden &and red?
It stabs the heart with beauty rare,
The heart, yes, not the head.
 
A ~
D *
D ~
 
 
A Delusions
C Illusions.
 
Do you remember how we rode together?
With the wind in our face &and our hair
And swam whatever the weather
And laughed at our bodies bare?
Do you remember how we played together?
From morning unto night.
And thought that for ever &and ever
Our life was to be delight?
[Anthasian]sicAthanasian Creed.
Anthasian Creed? – I’m told to write
A poem about you;
But ignorance it checks me here,
I don’t know what to do.
I’ve never heard the phrase before
or seen it written, but
Considering I’m forced to write,
Some nonsense will I put.
[LAC-1-1-47]
41
Alas! my mind has gone quite blank,
No help
 
A in it
A ~
 
is found in it;
And so I think before I write
I’ll have to learn a bit.
The Lighting of the Lamps.
The lamplighter is old &and withered &and grey,
He comes round every night about dark.
He’s sleeping &and eating the whole of the day
But at night he lights lamps in the park.
I look through my window, I peep as he goes
When I’m meant to be going to bed.
It’s such a temptation. Oh! nobody
 
A knew
A ~
 
knows
for three nights ago Mummy said:
Don’t waste your time, darling, now take /
[of]sicoff your socks[]sic,
You have years to see lamplighter men.
Come, off with your panties, don’t get on /
the box,
When you’re older, you’ll look at him then.
It’s no use complaining, but oh! don’t /
they know
That it’s now I like lamplighter man
[LAC-1-1-48]
42
When I’m older I’ll be like my parents &and so
I [wont]sicwon’t want to look out at him then.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Reality.
I was beset by beauty – that old thrill
Of reading till the very pages, still
Of common paper, no more seemed;
The words alone were there.
And then, once more I dreamed
That all the words were true!
Visions of glorious sunsets
[Blazened]sicBlazoned before my eyes;
Luscious buds just bursting
Caused me pained surprizesurprise;
Tremulous aspens dancing
In a fairy ring,
Rippling water calling
Seemed the
 
A one
B ~
 
only thing
That my soul delighted in.
·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·· · ·
And then a noise –
A honking horn perhaps,
or maid with mop or broom
Shattered all these joys.
 
A ~
B Cast my mind in gloom
 
I stirred,
 
A 
B the
 
, the light was dim
My very hands seemed old.
[LAC-1-1-49]
43.
I looked – the fire was out
And I was cold.
The Child.
 
A ~
D 
 
Yes, I loved you –
Loved you as a child
With all that was in me.
[Yours]sicYour ways were wild
Yet you could win me.
You talked to me
Kissed me often, too.
Then something came between
And love was through.
You say love’s serene?
Ah! never mind, one day you’ll discover
That the child has another lover.
 
A ~
C Regrets.
 
To love &and then to forget,
Not yet, not yet
Is this given us.
To love &and then to remember.
That is life.
[LAC-1-1-50]
44.
A life of broken hearts &and disillusionments.
And the strife
And conflicts drain the mind of force.
To love &and then to forget.
Ah no! regret, regret.
Bitterness.
Have you ever loved with all that is in you?
Poured forth your heart at another’s feet?
Been loved in return with a passionate fire
Then found yourself standing on the castles /
you built?
Ah – the agony!
Have you ever – but no, I can go no further,
for the Hell of it all is too much.
We concoct worries to counteract such /
experiences
And then years later, having become hardened
Laugh at our own unfortunate youth.
Constancy.
Yet I love you.
You have broken my heart,
Smashed my image,
Ruined days,
[LAC-1-1-51]
45.
And yet your ways
Are just part
Of this life of mine.
Toss me aside,
Pick me up.
Use your spurs,
I’ll reside
Always ready for your love
Always reaching out to you
Long as stars &and sun will shine
Long as skies are blue.
Good-byes
Strange how, on the eve of departure
We long for a few days more
And think of the past, not the future,
And all that it held in store.
How we hate all good-byes that are cheery
for we feel they don’t mean anything
Yet of sad ones we also are leary
for grief’s a tempestuous thing.
[LAC-1-1-52]
46.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
[Astors]sicAsters in a Bowl.
[Astors]sicAsters in a bowl!
I pity you – you never knew him.
This little life of yours has gone for naught,
But then, it was the daffodils that slew him
or was it I?
My heart says No. because I loved him so.
But love is overpowering, so they say.
Perhaps I stifled him –&and yet the flowers –
He was so queer that day.
Love died apparently.
I knew it not till later, but it did.
It died a tragic death amid
A humid, hot profusion
Of golden heads.
Too human daffodils,
We both are murderers.
[Astors]sicAsters, I pity you
Who grew
[To]sicToo late from out your earthy beds
To know him.
[LAC-1-1-53]
47.
A Conversation between E. St. V. Millay /
&and Rupert Brooke after Death.
E.St.V.M.
How strange it is to meet you here[]sic.
I never dreamed I would.
I asked my mother once – she said
That if I followed where you led
I really [mind]sicmight do well, how should
I know she meant celestial food.
R.B.
Now I am dead, think only this of me:
That there’s some corner
 
A of
A ~
 
in this wide, blue /
heaven
That is, for aye, my workshop. There shall be
No mockery or days of failure ev’n.
A girl, whom the States bore, shaped, made /
aware,
Gave once her flowers to love, her ways to /
roam
And all you did was copy me, nor care
That what you wrote was just as froth /
or foam.
[LAC-1-1-54]
48.
 
A ~
D 
 
Irony.
Down the long paths of life,
Through the pink clouds of Hell,
Ever-seeking a Heaven
We wander, &and yet press forward,
Clutching at helpless things
With ever moving fingers;
At nettles with sharp stings
And prickles &and knife-edges,
And the awful pain still lingers
Long after we are well.
We claw &and grasp but still go on,
We shake &and whimper, but in vain.
This awful life continues
And our bodies yet our own.
We wonder at the clever &and scoff at the insane,
And then – a while before
 
A b
A ~
 
we die,
With groping hands &and mouldy heart,
With parting breath, soon, soon to part,
We clutch a soft thing.
God! the joy of something warm &and tender.
Then lest we lose it soon
We squeeze
 
A 
A ~
 
it hard, glad for a minute –
It is not so soft now our fingers are in it.
And looking down with bleary eyes
Gaze on the awful sight of a young bird[]sic.
[LAC-1-1-55]
49.
Yes, by our hand it dies!
Ah! the Fates are kind,
One moment of joy then misery;
And after having taken breath,
With that in our hearts
We meet our death!
Injustice.
Why should the trees be rooted?
Oh, my God!
Why should the trees be rooted
In the sod?
Such plaintiff arms they stretch,
Such swinging dresses.
They must be lonely for
Their lovers’ caresses.
Why should the trees be rooted?
Oh, my God!
Why should the trees be rooted
In the sod?
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
D 
 
Night.
The night arrives on velvet-sandalled feet
With constant side-long glances of retreat;
Yet on it draws, till gradually it closes
[LAC-1-1-56]
50
 
A His
B Its
 
cloak of darkness o’er the slumbering roses.
With soft caressing hands
 
A he
B it
 
shuts each flower,
Surrounds the world more densely every hour;
Encourages the stars to shine &and beckons
The moon to shed
 
A her
B its
 
radiance on the earth.
I love him with his whispering, silky movements,
for it was night when my delight had birth.
Unloved.
The [invisable]sicinvisible mockery of a loveless age –
Oh! how it eats one’s heart!
How the naked nights of grief
Just tear one’s soul apart.
How one longs without knowing
Just to love &and live &and love
And grasp with heart o’erflowing
A beauteous thing, which growing
Is nothing short of art.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
A Discovery.
I think I have always loved you
But never known till now. –
Your sad, grey eyes &and tired careworn brow.
You played on my very heart-strings
In a tender subtle strain,
[LAC-1-1-57]
51.
And, fool that I was, I probed into my brain
for the reaction; none was there.
I conjured up a hundred different feelings,
All were false. And then the air
Quite quickly grew unhappy
And I cried aloud,
And searched my heart,
My head I found was bowed.
I kneel before you now, with eyes downcast,
I love you, love you, cried my soul at last.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D type
 
 
A ~
B The
 
Old Rectory.
A dreamy stillness lurks within its walls
And echoing
 
A ef
A ~
 
elfin laughter fills its halls.
An atmosphere of hazy listlessness
Which soothes the worried head &and ruptured /
heart.
A silence [with]sicwhich commands the beautiful
To grow &and live &and
 
A never to
B nevermore
 
depart.
A lovely place with nooks &and crevices
And dim, dark shadows, soft with ancient /
dreams
And flashing lights from fancy’s imagery
Dance on the whitened walls &and age old /
beams.
[LAC-1-1-58]
52.
A very
 
A d
A ~
 
place of sorrow &and delight,
A place of new-born hope, a magic whole,
That even, just to rest there for a night
Brings sweet content unto a lifeless soul.
[LAC-1-1-59]
Eighteen.
[LAC-1-1-60]
53.
 
A ~
D *
 
To Lady Lilian.
You sat,
Swathed in an oyster dress
With pearls in your ears.
You were so beautiful
Your face
Soon filled my eyes with tears.
You stood,
A flowing copper dress
Fell down around your feet,
You were so beautiful
My heart
Began a faster beat.
You laughed,
The world was full of song,
Your laugh was like a
 
A 
B bell,
 
 
A bell,
B ~
 
It was so beautiful
Your face
Reflected it as well.
You spoke,
Your voice was musical,
Yet had a sobbing note,
It was so beautiful
[LAC-1-1-61]
54.
My heart
Rushed up into my throat.
The Soldier.
What, though they laughed at him,
Laughed &and cajoled,
He will not weary grow,
Nor yet grow old.
 
A No,
A ~
 
Sad? Yes. Disconsolate,
Bearer of pain.
His is the victory
But whose the gain[.]sic?
 
A ~
D 
 
Aftermath.
And so to-day,
 
A a
A ~
 
with nothing left but taste of last /
[nights’]sicnight’s wine
I seek seclusion.
That mad night – how thought I then that it was /
grand &and fine?
My one conclusion,
My one remaining thought is sour &and bitter.
My pulse still beats the same as days before
This
 
A man
A ~
 
madness. Yet I say
I seek seclusion –
[LAC-1-1-62]
TORN
[LAC-1-1-63]
TORN
[LAC-1-1-64]
57.
 
A ~
D 
 
Two Homes.
It was a fairy home I had
Where tiger-lilies grow
And on my brow my mother pressed
A diadem of snow
And in my heart, at rest, unstressed
My father’s ashes glow.
It was a fairy home I had
But that was long ago
It is a crystal house I have
With glittering walls around
Where people have not learned the joy
Of tiger-lilies found
By unborn hands. All is alloy
A mixture &and a mound[]sic.
It is a crystal house I have
With snow drops on the ground.
My father’s ashes? They still glow
But life is just an overflow.
[LAC-1-1-65]
58.
 
A ~
C On Discussing Canada with the English.
 
You say you hate the prairies, the long stretches
of wheat &and
 
A p
A ~
 
corn &and tousled, wind-blown flowers.
You say you hate the young cow-hand who /
fetches
the cattle from the grass in twilight hours.
You say you’d sooner see the people round /
you
 
A and eat gross
A ~
 
the cluttered roads &and houses /
thick with man,
and eat gross dinners, with phlegmatic /
people,
of Yorkshire pudding, good roast beef &and ham.
You tell me that the prairies are depressing
and that you find such solitude a bore;
you say – but no .. I say [its]sicit’s too /
distressing,
I’ve listened to
 
A these monologues
B such talks as these
 
before.
I’ve heard the same words spoken, yes, /
already
by fumbling lips, unknowing &and unknown –
Ah! God – the very thought makes me /
unsteady
[LAC-1-1-66]
59.
Come prairies, come, for
 
A 
A ~
 
I am all alone[..]sic.
 
A ~
B The Sacrament.
 
Yours is my soul &and I give it
as a sacrament, tattered &and torn,
tattered &and torn, yes &and worn.
Open your heart [than]sicthat is fuller
than mine, dear, could possibly be,
open &and take, don’t discard it,
the sacrament, given by me.
Don’t ask me why, just accept it,
constantly battered by love,
battered &and shattered by love.
I am the giver, the gainer,
you are the loser, perhaps.
But, God, take it now, I implore you,
take it ere ever it snaps.
The Change.
A really common heart she had,
But oh how true!
An unbecoming way of speech
Yet tender too.
A painted mouth &and broken shoes
[LAC-1-1-67]
60.
And cheap
 
A silks
A ~
 
silk-stockings, different hues.
She learned to have exalted thoughts
And bitter too
And learned to modulate her voice.
Her life was through.
A well-dressed woman, now, they say
Yet falseness holds her in its sway.
 
A ~
D *
 
 
A ~
D 
 
 
A To Violet.
B [The Change]sicTo Violet
 
Grey London, grey cars, grey faces,
 
A A
B a
 
fog, a night of weary happenings –
[A]sica life, quite changeless &and monotonous
like a wheel turning with its cogs /
worn down.
A sombre life – a dirty pigeon flying,
a lot of filthy garbage in a pail,
an errand-boy – anaemic, with a /
parcel[]sic,
a working man, venereal &and smooth.
Then like the lightning in a thunder storm
a flashing sports car dashes through the /
street
yet driven sanely, by a clean-faced /
boy.
[LAC-1-1-68]
61.
A boy of healthy hands, of purring thoughtful eyes,
a boy who likes to race &and yet likes people too
&and for their sakes he curbs his youthful joy
and stops at danger signs, &and too, slows up
at crossings &and when people are about;
yet when the road is free he dashes on.
His eyes are dancing
 
A now
B ~
 
&and his arms are /
wings.
But London is a different city now.
She shuts her foggy eyes in ecstasy
 
A And
B and
 
thrills at common things like /
tramping feet
and throbbing engines of unwieldy trucks
and crackling paper in the cheaper /
stores.
 Calgary Faces
Only strange moon-lit evenings
with shadows in leafy places
make me remember clearly
well-loved Calgary faces.
The sun in his golden orbit
is happy with smiling graces
so then I will not think of
[LAC-1-1-69]
62.
well-loved Calgary faces.
.I Will Not Forget You
I will not forget you,
nor will I remember,
for the memory of you
is like sun in November.
Warms for a brief minute
then goes &and the frost is on you
&and you cry with a voice of anguish
Why did the gods begin it?
Why?
Why is the sunlight on your shining hair
hurting my eyes as I stand here &and stare?
Why is the look in your eyes as you sit
making me weep with the beauty of it?
Why are
 
A o
A ~
 
your hands that are gentle &and /
strong
music to me – a melodious song?
[LAC-1-1-70]
63.
Instability.
Here in this abysmal world